Off

I'm taking a few minutes to quickly empty my brain of some noise.

I've had a decidedly "off" day today.

The minute I arrived at work it started.

I had some feedback about my presentation on Thursday. I "sounded nervous" - probably true because I had not done enough prep - yet the feedback made me feel so blah.

Like how can I call myself a speaker and not do the speaking well?!

That was number 1.

Then I happened to look down at my to-do list and I saw I had to work on the PESTER analysis today.

Just the type of stuff I hate.

I'm not one for pondering "what if situations" to start off with and if you add to that the fact that quite honestly, everything in the world has an influence (direct and indirect) on our industry, this is a never-ending exercise. That is number 2.

I said this to my INTP colleague and she said, "that's why I love doing these" :)

Well, I'm about finite things (a very clear J) and this is just dragging me down. And strat is a month away. I'm determined to not let this stuff take over my life for the next month though.

Then other stupid things like how no matter if I lose a kilo or not, I still look 14 weeks pregnant as the weight disappears from my (already) non-existent boobs. Number 3.

And the fact that all my friends talk to one another on FB and no-one talks to me despite me talking to them. Number 4.

I know, I know, boohoo, there's bigger things in life.

EXACTLY.

Which bugs me even more.

What do I have to complain about? I have a wonderful husband, children, house, car (ok, it could be bigger but you know I have debt issues as in I hate it), nanny, etc.

I mailed D to say, "should I work late? I'm so stressed". He says, "sure, the kids will be fine not seeing you for a day and your stress levels will benefit".

So of course, I did exactly the opposite and realised it's ME that needs them in the afternoon - they don't even realise that I haven't been there until they see me.

Coming home was worth it - Connor is the best welcomer of people in the world. He smiles so big when he sees me and starts jumping up and down in excitement.

There is no point to this - I'm literally just journalling.

And now, I'm off to do an hour's work on this darn PESTER analysis before the Survivor finale (you've got to take your pleasures where you can get them).