7 random things to end off 2007

Wanttobeamom tagged me for this meme. I haven't been tagged on this blog before so this is fun, fun, fun!

1. I love baking muffins – not cakes or anything else, just muffins. I also only bake drop cookies, not the ones you have to roll out and use the different shapes ;)

2. I am great at interviews – I have always been offered a job once I get to the interview stage.

3. One of my BIG goals is to work in another country for a year.

4. I don’t read infertility blogs very often because they depress me. Strange because I know that if I allowed myself to dwell on the 10% I’d sound exactly the same.

5. I love traveling to other countries but not for the usual reasons like seeing the sights and so on. I love talking to the people and seeing how they live. One of my favourite things to do is to talk to fellow tourists on guided tours. I remember once we went to Australia and because my husband’s not very friendly, we hadn’t been very sociable with people we met until the guided tour on Great Ocean Road outside Melbourne. Then I broke loose and had SUCH fun with people from Germany, Ireland, all over the place.

6. I love cleaning my toilet – I am very fussy with germs partly because I studied Microbiology so I know how quickly those suckers multiply.

7. I grew up in a city with a beach and I can’t swim!

I'm tagging Becky and Char

leading up to the big day

Once I got over the shock, I decided to get the op over and done with as soon as possible.

Why prolong the inevitable?

I'd already decided to have it done either the 16th or 23rd Nov, depending on work. My boss was "do what you need to do" so I went ahead and booked the 16th, planning to be back at work on 3rd Dec because the doctor said "definitely two weeks off work".

I phoned the doctor to book the 16th and so the countdown began.

It was really strange though because even though I'd had 3 surgeries before (wisdom teeth and the 2 laparoscopies), I was so scared that I was going to die. Don't know where that came from - honestly.

I didn't even tell my sister and mother that I was having the op! And at work, I told my boss and my colleague who is in the next cubicle, but nobody else.

Pretending that it wasn't happening, I suppose :)

So they told me to be at the hospital at 12:00 as he starts operating at 13:00. No food after 8:00.

I went into work for about 2 hours because I was interviewing people for a position we have vacant (I'm really good at interviewing so am always involved in recruitment of staff in our division).

Then raced home to shower and shave (!). We only left for the hospital at 12 so we were about 25 minutes late and of course, the first nurse I saw on the ward said, "are you Mrs F?"

Me: "Yes, I am, how did you know?"

"We've been waiting for you!" (oh my word)

Stay tuned for part 3

P.S. Merry Christmas!

that's not supposed to happen

I'm about 5 weeks behind on posting to this blog so best I get my act together before I forget everything!

we went away for a long weekend at the beginning of november and while away, I started getting a very familiar feeling of pain BUT at the wrong time.

The pain was my familiar period pain but only thing is, it was nowhere near my period. It could have been around ovulation but who knows because I have weird 21-25 day cycles.

I still had some Nurofen in my bag from my period so took all that and then had to get some more. That meant that something was up because I really only have pain at period time.

we got back on a sunday night and didn't even bother making an appointment on the Monday morning; I just went straight into the gynae and she could see me.

I figured that she needs to see what's going on while I'm in pain so that whatever it is shows up on the scan. Usually by the time you see them you're all better again, right?

Anyway, the long story short is that she asked me to come back in the afternoon to let her partner (husband) give a 2nd opinion and he said I'd have to have surgery.

*shock*

I've had two laparoscopies before (all in the pre-trying days amazingly enough) for endometriosis but this one would have to be an actual cut (Caesar cut), not the little snips like before.

He also said that it was not urgent; depends how much pain I felt I could stand and how quickly I wanted babies because I'm not going to be falling pregnant like that. Nice!

So off I went back home to think about things, plan dates around work and holidays, etc.

Stay tuned for part 2!

Touched

we had our end-of-year party at the infertility support group on 12 Nov.

It was so lovely to see everyone just relaxing for a change. My friend couldn't come with me but I went alone anyway (I was so proud of myself for driving all that way alone).

we decided to exchange gifts so we each brought a small gift to exchange. I got gift wrap, ribbon, gift tags and an advent calendar - just my idea of a perfect clutter-free gift :)

then the lady who hosts the monthly gathering announced that she and her co-host bought a piece of jewellery to be given to a different lady every time we met, so that we'd know that we have people who understand our situation and that support us in our journey. isn't that sweet?

But wait! (I sound like an infomercial :)) then she says the first recipient of this beautiful silver heart pendant is ME! Because she's been inspired by my calmness and peace and faith in God through this whole crazy ride.

And wow - I could NOT believe it. We really don't know what people are thinking of us and our testimony.

One thing I have said to my hubby from the beginning (after I started accepting things) is that one day when this dreadful journey is over, I'm writing a Christian book on infertility. So I can let people know they're not alone (even though it feels like the whole world has babies without even trying :)) and use what I'm going through for good!

But can you believe it - me!

Another one of those!

A girl here at work is pregnant. Three months.

Lovely person - only 25/26 - her second. Her first-born is the MOST GORGEOUS CHILD ever. He is ultra-friendly and loves hugging everybody.

I asked her if they were trying (because we are friendly with one another) and she said yes.

"The first month nothing happened and then the second month I was pregnant"

Oh the joys!

It sucks. It really does. I'm happy for them but it freaks me out that mostly everybody can get pregnant at the drop of a hat!

Thank you

Thank you for all the wonderful comments on my post the other day!

I literally sat with my mouth wide open, amazed at the kindness and thoughtfulness of you bloggers!


I've made a list of all the great book suggestions too and can't wait to start reading.

BTW, support group tonight again :)

WFMW - pregnant questions

It's backwards day over at Shannon's place and today, I get to ask you some questions!!!

We have been diagnosed with infertility.

Please give me some good answers to the perpetual so when are you two starting a family? question.

I'm not a sarcastic person but I would like a clear, assertive response! :)

Support group 2 - Sept

When I was checking to see if the previous post looked okay, I realised that I didn't tell you about the second one.

Well, it was on 3 September already! *shock*

We were a smaller group than last time and because I knew most of those people from last time, I was a lot more comfortable.

Even when I got the questions!

Because the fact is, we're believing God to heal us and having sex. That's it!

For most people, this means we're doing nothing. But I've gotten okay with that. I have realised that every situation is different and so is every couple. And I just don't feel okay with IVF right now. I don't disagree with it; I just don't think it's for us. I don't know if it ever will be.

And this time, there was a lady who was similar to me. She said she knew she could never go through with IVF and just decided to forget about the whole baby thing (due to personal reasons - someone close to her got very sick). Four years later, she was pregnant and now has a gorgeous son.

So I felt like I wasn't that weird.

The other day I read on Boho's blog about how she found the medical experience after her laparoscopy for endometriosis so cold. And so one-sided in that they almost force you to just go for heavy-duty IVF while you're still reeling from the shock of the whole thing.

Of course, I relate so well.

She got lots of support in the comments and fortunately, she's very strong so I know she'll stand up for what she believes is right for her body and family.

Next group will be first week in October and I've told my friend I'll go again.

Um, remember me?

I've been so pathetic at posting to this blog, it's unreal!

I've thought of closing and deleting this blog so many times but something keeps me leaving it open.

You see, I'm venturing out of the closet very slowly and I must say, it's FREEING! Yes, there are lots of questions but the people who are comfortable talking to me talk and the others kind of mumble a platitude and leave it at that. Which suits me just fine!

The only thing is I don't know how to handle the questions.

So where are you guys with treatment? Um, nowhere

Well, what are you doing? Nothing

Then there's the confused look to which I give a sweet smile that says, that's enough for now :-)

Support group

I can't believe how long it's been since I wrote on this blog - shocking!

I went to my first support group nearly 3 weeks ago. I went with my friend and altogether there were about 14 of us there - some 3 with secondary infertility and the rest battling to have just one.

It was a very interesting evening!

On the one hand it was really good to know that we are all in the same boat. I know the stats, 1 in 6 couples battle to have a baby, but the thing is, I don't know where these 1's are all hanging out! And whether they have unexplained infertility, male factor, female factor or both.

So hearing all the ladies' stories was very good. Every condition under the sun was represented there.

On the other hand, it was very draining to hear all the stories. I function well about 95% of the time and try to live as full a life aside from this as possible. So to hear all of this for 3 hours straight is a bit much for me. We were crying and laughing together. It was just very emotional.

But here's the thing I want to write about:

I noticed as the ladies were sharing that there was a common thread - control! We all exhibited some serious control freak tendencies and I kept thinking, "surely I'm not that bad". It was the strangest thing - I could see how some of them were battling and yet I kept thinking, "I am nowhere near as bad as all of these guys."

Or maybe that's my problem - I'm just avoiding the topic and these ladies are actually doing something about their infertility. I don't know. I'm still not sure that I'll go back but I'll let you know.

Blog kindness
Someone on an infertility blog got pregnant and she offered up her books to anyone who wanted them. So I commented and she sent them to me. Two gorgeous thick books and some chocolate (for the PMS) which I am sharing with my friend. I am so touched at this lady's kindness - she doesn't know me from a bar of soap and she refused to let me pay for the postage!

BTW, my friend has resigned from work so that she can de-stress and focus on getting pregnant!

Oh my word

Thanks so much for your comment the other day.

I phoned my gynae to check how I'm supposed to take the progesterone and she says from day 14 to 28 each cycle. I've just been taking them all along so I stopped immediately!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news, my sister has asked me to be her son's godmother. I'm not into all this traditional stuff but I know it's a big thing for her so I graciously accepted :)

Sister: A and I would like you to be K's godmother

Me: What does that mean? I have to look after him if you die?

Sister: Leigh!

LOL - at least I can still laugh. Right?!

Normal again!

So the entire period lasted 5 days instead of 11 days.

Pain? Only took 6 Nurofen instead of my usual 16 - 18! Huge, huge victory.

The progesterone is clearly working.


Does anybody know if you're supposed to take the progesterone every single day of your cycle or just on days 14 - 28?

I will phone the gynae but just thought I'd ask. I thought it was every single day but don't know why I'm now doubting!

For the first time in a year

I am having a normal period!


The progesterone has probably worked because I am on track. I had a 29-day cycle - haven't had anything beyond 21 days for a year, and before that, it was 25-26 days max.


And the period started immediately (not a week of nothingness like before).

So things are looking up :-)

Baby stuff

I read this gorgeous post on babies that I wanted to share with you and I asked the lady to please pray that this is my experience too.

And then... there's an interesting discussion going on at Tertia's blog. Be sure to read comments - that's where it all starts.

What do you think?

Friday's feast - 22 June 2007

Appetizer
Name a funny habit you have.
Only one??? When I arrive home from work, I immediately go to the bathroom to wash my hands.

When I get into bed at night, I take off my rings and put on handcream. Then I read the Bible and my other book and before putting out the lights, put on some more hand cream.

You want more? Keep reading the blog :-)

Soup
If you could instantly know how to play a musical instrument, which one would you pick?
Drums. Without a doubt. It just looks soooo cool!

Salad
How long is your hair?
Shoulder length. You know about a bad hair day? I’ve actually had a bad number of hair years. Used to keep my hair longer but it just looks disgusting.

Main Course
When was the last time you forgave someone, and who was it?

1. Every day I choose to forgive in many little ways.
2. I forgive the guy who cuts in front of me in the traffic, forcing me to slam on my brakes and nearly get rear-ended.
3. I forgive the people who send me rude emails about my business.
4. And I can go on and on…
   

Dessert
What is your favorite kitchen appliance?
My scale. I’m on a weight-loss journey (yes, still am) and it keeps me more or less on track. I’m not good at judging portion size so I prefer to weigh everything.

After the scale, my water filter and then my kettle for endless cups of tea and coffee

Friday's feast - 15 June 2007

Appetizer
Fill in the blank: The best thing about where I live is _________________…
The best thing about where I live (place) are the cold, dry winters and (house) lots of space. I crave space and freedom to just be. Of course, we did buy this house (3 bedrooms) so that one of these rooms could be the baby's. I'm not giving up hope though.

Soup
Create a new name for a deodorant== (like “Flower Fresh” or “Shower Scent”).
I am definitely not the creative type so I'd call it something like shower fresh or powder fresh.

Salad
What was the last piece of software you installed onto your computer?
Some freeware to try designing buttons and so forth. Could also be the reason the computer slowed up so much and is now at the shop where they're checking for viruses.

Main Course
If you were to receive a superlative award today beginning with the words ”Most likely to…”, what would the rest of the phrase say?
Depends who you ask. At work, I'm the most likely to do all the human stuff. Organise the birthdays, celebrations, make muffins for the team (only 7 of us - don't know how I'd feel about it if we were a bigger dept), take photos, stay in touch with past team members, and so on. The HR aspect, you know.

Everyone else would say ....be organised ;)

Dessert
What two colors do you like to wear together?
Well, it's winter now so I like orange and brown, or green and brown. In summer, I like greens and cream (cool colours for these hot summers)

Now, good night everyone. It's 10.40 pm and I'm ready to get to bed with my book :-)

Update on the weird cycles

Remember the weird cycles?

I phoned for my blood results and everything was normal - thank God for that.

So now I'm on the progesterone. So far so good. This is only day 5 and she warned me that I could have swollen breasts and uterine area - so far nothing much. Apparently I must reduce my salt intake as that will help with the swelling.

********************************

My work colleague (previously UPO) came in yesterday after her 6-week check-up since the baby's been born. She looks fabulous - all glossy hair and glowing skin. And the best? She is sooo happy with her baby. A bit sad for me but I'm more happy for her.

********************************

My sister's also doing well. She's very quiet so not the type to say I LOVE THIS SO MUCH or anything like that. Just everything's fine, no problems, etc. Boring, I know. But I'm the one who talks in exclamation marks!!!

********************************

I found an infertility support group through a blog I read and emailed the ladies for more details. Next meeting is 26 June. I can't go because I double-booked myself for some church work on the same night and I just don't cancel things like that. But I'm not sure if I want to go - when I read the forums sometimes, it brings me down and I like to try and stay positive, you know?

So we'll see. I have asked my friend (also babyless at the mo) if she wants to come, so we'll take it as it comes...

but enough about me - how are you doing today?

My blogging story

I see there's something cool going around the blogosphere so I'm a day late but who's counting. Chilihead (?) is hosting this blogging carnival where you tell your blog story.

How did you start blogging?
I'd already been blogging on a business blog and I felt like I wanted a place to be private about infertility and other work stuff. I mean, we all know the Dooce story, right?!

So off I went to blogger and made another blog.

Did you intend to be a blog w/a big following?
Ha ha ha

Now that I've picked myself up off the floor :), this blog has always been a private place for me. A place to get out the thousand and one thoughts flying around my head about infertility and if I'm cursed to not have a child...

There are about 3 people that visit here and of course, it would be nice to be in a bigger community but that was never the focus of this blog. On the others, yes.

I do want to start reaching out more but I'm sort-of stuck in the middle because we know we've had the infertility diagnosis but we haven't gone the expensive, medical route yet. I think that's why I keep reading Boho - she's probably the only person I know online who is also not pursuing IVF. And I'm saying yet - I don't know what next month or the month after that will hold. This is a step-by-step thing.

If so, how did you go about it?
See above.

What do you hope to achieve or accomplish with your blog? Have you been successful? If not, do you have a plan to achieve those goals?
My goal was to have a private place to vent and get cheap therapy. That has worked.

Now, my goal is to reach out more to other people. The best plan I think is to start participating in memes and reading more infertile blogs.

Has the focus of your blog changed since you started blogging? How?
No, not really.

What do you know now that you wish you'd known when you started?
That people can be amazingly supportive and on the flip side, that people can be really hurtful (not to me - I'm just saying)

Do you make money with your blog?
Um, no. Totally not interested.

Does your immediate or extended family know about your blog? If so, do they read it? If not, why?
No, I tell no-one about this blog. I know that some people who read the other blog know/ guess about this one but I have not told anyone.

What two pieces of advice would you give to a new blogger?

1. Know why you want to blog so that you're not distracted by the information overload in the blogosphere. I get the feeling that lots of bloggers try to "copy" others and that does not work. You have to remain true to your own voice and your own style.
2. Don't get obsessed by the stats, comments, etc. Keep your life in balance. At the end of the day, your real relationships are what matter.

Friday's Feast #9 - 1 June 2007

Appetizer
Name something you think is “the best.”
Reading, sleeping, drinking coffee, babies, blogging, etc...



Soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 highest), how stressed are you today?
2 - last night was a different story (see previous post) but now it's nothing major


Salad
What kind of cleanser do you use to wash your face?
A liquid facewash that removes oil! I have an combination-oily skin so it's oil-free everything. But I've been told that oily skin is better than dry skin because it doesn't wrinkle as easily. Knew there had to be a benefit somewhere :-)


Main Course
Tonight is a blue moon! What is something that you believe only happens “once in a blue moon.”
I used to think love. But now I think you can definitely find love again and again.



Dessert
When was the last time it rained where you live?
I honestly don't know. Probably a few weeks ago.

MS, not PMS

Business has really been stressing me out lately.

I sent out a reminder email on Monday - an offer I'd just launched with a special to my subscriber base - had only a few more days before it expired. Well, I got 3 "unsubscribes" in the next 24 hours!

So I was quite depressed, thinking what is the point of this business and other thoughts along those lines. And I got absolutely no sales whatsoever.

Now do you know how hard I work to get people on the mailing list? I have to think of new things constantly so it's sad when I get unsubscribes.

I know that when I'm premenstrual everything seems out of proportion. I'm actually menstrual (I know, TMI!) so does that excuse still count?

So yesterday I sent the monthly newsletter and more unsubscribes. My word - what am I doing wrong?? I actually worked so hard on the newsletter and it was barely sent when a couple of emails came in unsubscribing so I just put my head on this desk and cried!

It's so sad.

However, today I took a chance and just sent an email with one of my e-courses to about 10 people who are not on my list but I know are kind-of interested and one lady sent me an email back saying, yes, she wants to buy, how does she go about it?

And I have an organising client tomorrow.

A small sliver of encouragement in a horrible week business-wise.

Discerning thieves?

Someone stole my apple and orange off my desk last night.

I am very cross because I specifically didn’t bring fruit today, knowing that I’d left yesterday’s fruit here. However, my vitamins lying right next to it are still there.

I think I'd have more respect if they took everything. Grrr.

Update

I've been a bit quiet but everything is still fine, well even.

baby news
my sister's baby boy was born yesterday. both mom and baby are doing very well. i'm so happy for her. she is a little sore from the caesar but everything else is fine.

no, i'm not jealous. really.

weird cycles
i've been having weird cycles the last two months. in the past i used to have 5-day cycles with day 1 quite light and then days 2 and 3 very heavy and painful, days 4 & 5 easing off to ...nothing!

the weird cycles go like this - i start bleeding (like the old day 1) for 5 - 7 days, then I have heavy, painful days for another 2 - 3 days, and then the easing off. as a result, it's been 10/11 days, and then a break of only 21 days and then it all starts again!

gynae
so I went to the gynae this week and she said that it sounds like I may not have enough progesterone. sent me for blood tests and prescribed a course of progesterone which i'm to start on day 14 of the next cycle.

can you believe i forgot to phone them for the results??? i can't either. so i will phone them on monday!

business
business is picking up slowly - had two requests for coaching this week. although i had to cancel a workshop i was going to do due to no interest. had 3 phone calls for the forms and bank details but no actual bookings.

weird thing is i have lots of requests to do joint ventures with other solo-preneurs (love this word) and they seem to generate lots of pr but no clients out of that. strange and very annoying.

blogging
read a beautiful poem posted by bohemian girl a day or two ago which so echoed what i feel.

i am blogging regularly on the other public blogs which is taking up all my time so i seem to be neglecting this one.

i have thought of just deleting this whole blog but something keeps holding me back. i think it's because i like the anonymity of this one.

will post the blood test results on monday.

Friday's feast #8 - 18 May 2007

Appetizer
List 3 emotions you experienced this week.
Gratitude - I got a coaching client and a request for more info
Excitement - I saw another job I applied for. It's a virtual position so that could be interesting.
Happiness - finished another e-course this week and I had a 98% open rate on my last HTML newsletter. Apparently this is very good?

Soup
Name a car you’d love to have.
I'm not like that with cars. I buy what I want at the time and when I'm ready for another, I'll buy another one. But! I don't buy expensive cars because cars are not assets.

Salad
Describe your typical morning routine.
I have it down to like 20 minutes because I do everything possible at night. I am not a morning person. And that is an understatement.

Wake up, stumble to bathroom with eyes half shut, wash, weigh (!), get dressed. Then I grab my lunch from the fridge, set the alarm, grab my handbag and I'm outta there.

You can see why I do everything possible at night!


Main Course
Have you ever emailed someone famous?
If so, who, and what did you say to them? Did they reply?
You mean famous bloggers? That's about as famous as it gets with me. The nicer ones did ;)

Dessert
Do you listen to podcasts? If so, which ones?
Yes, I do - not regularly, but when the topic interests me.
I listen to www.escapefromcubiclenation.com

Speaking of work...

I realised the other day that my business is really not doing all that well.

Somebody who reads the blog (the business blog) emailed me and asked me to give her some tips on starting her business. So we were e-chatting and I told her that mine is very part-time at this point. And if I were to go full-time it wouldn't even pay 10% of my current salary.

So then I got to thinking - oh my word. I'm spending hours on the business every week. Now don't get me wrong - I love what I do - but I wonder if it should just stay a hobby and I should carry on in the corporate world forever.

I'm hoping that it's just a transition and that things will pick up. I bought an online success book and am working through all the steps. My numbers on my list are growing but I can't say the clients are really growing. So because I don't have many clients, I design products, write articles. If you look at the stuff I have out, it looks like everything is going well and sometimes I feel like a fake.

Oh well, I'll let you know how it turns out.

Friday's feast #7 - 11 May 2007

Appetizer
Tell about a time when you had to be brave.
Whenever I have to do something outside of my comfort zone. Now I don’t mind confrontation (in fact, I quite like getting things sorted out) so people stuff like that don’t bother me.

I suppose it’s when I have to do something that may potentially embarrass me.

Somebody’s asked me to put together a product with them and we need to do some audio for that. So I suppose if I accept I will have to be brave. We are in different countries so I wonder if her people will understand my accent!

Soup
Which upcoming movie are you excited about seeing?
The next romantic comedy to be released. I haven’t really looked at the papers for awhile…

Salad
Name an item you try to always have on hand.
Me personally? Water and an apple. I always have these with me. And it’s a Granny Smith apple – sour, crisp and deliciously crunchy.

And a notebook and pen.

Main Course
Imagine the most relaxing room you can think of. Now describe it!
There is a soothing pastel colour on the walls, like mint-green, pastel blue or pastel yellow. Or a nice shade of brown. Definitely wooden floors and lots of space. Comfy chairs with throws and reading lamps where I can just sit and read…….

Dessert
On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being highest), how spiritual or religious are you?
I would say it fluctuates between 7 and 8. I’m born-again, but not religious. Does that make sense? It’s about a relationship with Jesus, not doing rituals just for tradition’s sake.
I always have to work at the Bible reading and prayer but worship and listening to God come quite easily to me.

Go here for more feasts

The job - part 2

Here is part 1

Anyway so with this interview I was my usual self and they were very controlled with their responses. I could tell the one guy liked me straight away but couldn’t tell with the other two. I mean they asked why I wanted the position and I said… I don’t know that I do. I’m very happy where I am – my current position suits my personality (and explained). I had a real “whatever” attitude and it wasn’t fake – I really didn’t give a toss. I also realized that this is not the type of work I want to do (more product development and I’m good at relationship & operational stuff). And of course, I hate the traffic so the commute wasn’t calling my name. But I wanted to take it through to the end to see what kind of package they would offer me.

They were supposed to only notify me on the Tuesday afternoon earliest BUT I’d only been back at the office for an hour when I got a phone call that I’d been shortlisted again. Oh no! They wanted me back the next Wed; I said I couldn’t do it until the following Tuesday. I mean – can you believe the chutzpah? (My husband says people like me make him sick – normal people have to look for ages for decent jobs and these things just fall into my lap. Well, not really but I know what he means).

But then God started dealing with me. I felt HUGE unease and I’m not the best Christian under the sun with regular praying and so forth but I do know when the peace of God leaves me. And it left me – BIG TIME. E.g. I don’t EVER have trouble sleeping. And I mean EVER. But suddenly I was tossing and turning at night, mind racing, etc. Stuff that just doesn’t happen to me. And the pit in my stomach – not nice at all.

So I had a nice chat with my DH and he agreed that I shouldn’t go ahead. Because I know once they start waving mega bucks in front of my greedy little eyes, I’ll start dreaming about IVFs, handbags, holidays and so forth. And then I wouldn’t be able to make a proper decision.

I wrote one of my nice emails to them withdrawing my application (this is not the right time in my life), thank you and sorry for inconvenience. And then I spoke to the HR guy who was very disappointed. But I told myself, “do not justify anything” so I bit my tongue and shut up until we ended the call.

So that’s my job story. The peace is amazing and I slept like a baby afterwards!

The job - part 1

I’ve been trying to find time to blog this since the weekend. And now finally I have a chance.

One of my clients sent an email out to a number of her contacts asking if we knew of anyone who was interested in applying for a position at her company. Personally I feel like she wanted us to apply but didn’t want to be seen to be “poaching” us if we got the job as we have some joint ventures with this particular company. Anyway, so I applied. I thought, “let’s throw it out there and see what happens”.

This was in February. So I hear nothing for a month and thought nothing of it because I’m not really looking, you know. But then a by the way at the end of one of our conversations and she says, “you have been shortlisted”. Okay….

Then again weeks go by and nothing. Then one afternoon I get a call from her. The HR person has been trying to get hold of me and can’t seem to get hold of me. I’m like, “really? That’s strange. Because if I don’t answer, my cell phone goes to voicemail.” Anyway I confirmed all my details and that was that.

So finally he phones me and we make the interview for Thursday 26 April. I arrive at the interview 5 minutes late (they have a gazillion buildings and I went to the wrong one first). Interesting thing happened though. I was at the correct reception eventually and the HR guy sees me and calls my name. He recognized me from my photo on my CV (I totally forgot that was on there and it is very out of date – 2 years old – but I’ve been told the photo makes me look older. I only left it on there because it’s the only one of me in “work clothes (a suit)”.

Now I don’t mean to boast – I really don’t (hear my heart please) – but I do very well in interviews. I’ve always been a confident, self-assured person and I have no trouble at all being interviewed by one or a number of people. In fact I prefer panel interviews (my view is I get all the people over and done with at one time) and this time it was one of those – there were 3 people.

Another thing – in all my years of working I’ve only been to one interview where I wasn’t offered the position (and that was an internal position so company politics prevailed). I’ve heard that your CV (resume) must make you stand out from the pack so mine looks very different - first of all, it’s not the same, boring things like the other 101 people applying for the same position. And secondly, I have the picture and some interesting things on there. They are either going to love me or hate me and if they still want to see me, we’re going to get along great.

So then the interview. I am always brutally honest – some would say to my detriment. You know all the things you’re not supposed to do in an interview? Yeah well, I do them. My view is that if there are issues, they better come out now. Because if I start working with you, if something was irritating you about me, it is going to get worse J And also I interview right back. At the end when they ask if there are any questions, I always have a couple and I go for it. I check what type of personalities the boss has (I can’t stand controlling, micro-managing people) and what the team culture is (hate the clock-watching type of companies) and so on.

I'll post part 2 tomorrow.

But in the meantime, what are you like in an interview?

Friday's feast #6 - 4 May 2007

I've been away for a mid-year break but I will post more this weekend. For now, enjoy this feast.

Speaking of feasts, I need to seriously lose 4 kg because I've been eating and eating over the last couple of months and the jeans are getting tight again!


Appetizer
Name something you would not want to own.
A dishwasher. I have a thing about hand washing dishes. For me, it seems like you get to the dirt better.

Soup
Describe your hair (texture, color, length, etc.).
It is dark-brown but I started going grey quite young (25) so I colour it with brown-red highlights. My hair's shoulder length but because it's so curly, it looks like it's in a bob half the time. I remember reading on your blog, Becky, how you flat-iron it every day to get it straight. I'm getting there... I do straighten it about once a month.

Salad
Finish this sentence: I’ll never forget ___________.
I'll never forget when I first realised what it is that God had created me to do. It was awesome - talk about a penny dropping!

(to inspire other people to achieve their goals)

Main Course
Which famous person would you like to be for one day? Why?
No, I'm not interested in being other people. Let alone famous. Even for one day.

I love my freedom too much and I wouldn't be able to handle the invasion of privacy. Unless it's internet famous - that I can handle.

Dessert
Write one sentence about yourself that includes one thing that is true and another thing that is not.
I love doing puzzles/ playing board games and speaking to large groups of people.

Can you guess which is true and which is not? Tell me in the comments. This should be fun.

Edited to add
Puzzles - not true
Speaking to people - true ;)

Friday's Feast #5

Appetizer
What is your favorite kind of bread?
All kinds! This is my weakness. I can tell you what I don’t like – white bread and white rolls. Anything else is just delicious. I enjoy anything wholegrain!

Soup
When was the last time you bought a new pillow?
Decorative pillows? A few months ago, in December. The standard sleeping pillows? Gee – ages ago.

Salad
Approximately how many hours per week do you spend surfing the ‘net?
Touchy subject! That depends on how disciplined I’m being. I try to read blogs through Google Reader so that I don’t have to click through and get distracted by the comments. Probably spend an hour or more on the internet every day – not all that time is surfing; some is my blogging (I have 6 blogs all in all) and work on my website, shopping carts, and so on.

Main course
What’s the highest you remember your temperature being?
I’m not unhealthy at all (except for the infertility) so I never get sick. Like in the last 8 years, I haven’t had 1 normal sick day. Of course, I was booked off for a week each time with both laparoscopies in 2002 and 2004.

Maybe in hindsight it would have been better to be a bit more normal with sicknesses like other people and who knows? Maybe the babies would come easier too J

Dessert
Fill in the blanks: When I ____________, I _____________.
When I decide to do something, I absolutely commit to it. Some might call it stubbornness; I call it persistence.

I did it

The baby shower was today and I helped organize the guest list, eats and so forth. Because I’m probably the best person to do so in the department, just because I’m organised.

I went to check the venue, seating and eats 15 minutes before the time and wasn’t planning to stay but I thought I’d sit right near the door to make a quick escape if I needed to.

I did start crying twice but I just clenched my lips, blinked to get rid of the tears and focussed. Well, the first time, it was because she started crying. She said “oh my word.. this is such a surprise. I can’t believe it” and she burst out crying. And so did I.

And then the second time was with the baby clothes. I have now noticed that I don’t mind seeing other baby items – anything really. But it’s the clothes that get me.

I’m busy decluttering big-time at home and I came across a storage box labeled Baby Stuff. Do you know what’s in there? Stuff from when I thought we were reproductively normal. I’d be shopping for baby showers and get an extra outfit for the baby (I thought) I’d be pregnant with soon. We are also both big readers and when I used to go to the bookstore, I’d buy children’s books for our baby. Of course hanging onto hope and thinking, “next month I’ll be pregnant”. So the box has some baby clothes, some books and some baby toiletries.

Anyway I said all that to say… I’m proud that I did it! But I can't say I'll do it again. It also helped that this was at work so we only had 1 hour, no fussing and not too much sentimentality.

baby news update

We had the saddest news at work last week. The little 800g baby that was born prematurely died. He had to have a heart operation and he pulled through that just fine. But then he didn't react very well to the drugs he had to have after the op, and died two days later. They are understandably devastated.

The baby shower is happening next week and I have decided not to go. I've got to do what I can to protect myself (boundaries and so forth) and I can't act like a freak in front of all the work people. Becky, I am happy for other people - nobody deserves to go through this; not even my worse enemy. It's hard for me to smile and be happy when inside my heart is breaking. And tears are so close to the surface.

My DH announced that he definitely doesn't want to adopt. I have to respect that. He says it's because the whole thrill of having children (for him) is that he gets to see each of us in the children's features and mannerisms, and so forth. At first I was quite upset but then I calmed down. I do understand. We spoke about it again later on the Easter weekend and we are now fine.

Still don't know if I'm ready for IVF. Honestly. But I do believe that we must both be mentally totally committed if we're going to throw those exorbitant sums of money at the process.

My other friend with premature ovarian failure is not doing great. We are having lunch next week while the baby shower happens. It looks like the only solution is donor eggs.

Who would have thought having babies could be so complicated?

Friday's Feast # 4

Appetizer
What are you proud of?
I’m proud of the fact that I got off my butt and did something about fulfilling my dreams as opposed to just talking about it. In 2002, I started writing a newsletter to about 20 of my friends and I now have a proper (part-time) coaching business, with a website and mailing list of a lot more than 20 people!

Soup
What is the best thing you’ve ever won as a prize?
Hmm. I went to a workshop once and won one of the spot prizes, a hamper from Pepperdew. That is the only thing I’ve ever won so it’s got to be the best thing.

Salad
Name something you do that is a waste of time.
Reading too many blogs. But I’m getting it all organised one step at a time. First Google reader & slowly putting some systems into place. Like already I limit myself to 4 nights a week. And I’m going to start imposing time limits!

Main Course
In what year of your life did you change the most?
I would have to say last year. The infertility diagnosis made me a cynical, cold and heartless person. Someone I don’t know all that well.
And negative! As a result I’ve stopped reading so many infertility blogs to try and keep myself reasonably positive.

Dessert
Where is a place you consider to be very tranquil?
Any place with water. Water is very peaceful and soothing for me. At my house, it would have to be our sun lounge because I can hear the trickle of the water feature by the pool. Lovely.

Infertility and the Christian

I am a Christian and I do believe that I’ll be a mother one day. Years back I used to do those “imagine yourself in five, ten, twenty years visualisation exercises” and I ALWAYS saw two kids in my future. So that settles that. LOL

I was listening to a teaching tape the other day by Paul Scanlan on dreams and he said something to the effect that God doesn’t give you a dream just to take it away. He gives us those dreams and He wants you to have it. But with dreams, you have to have a plan.

So I know that the children will happen. It’s the HOW that I’m not so sure about.

The way I see it, it’s either biological children or adopted children. However, biological children can come “naturally” and who knows what that is anymore, or through ART (assisted reproductive techniques – see? I’ve been brushing up on my lingo).

Does it mean that if you do IVF, that you’re not believing God for a child? I mean it’s all biological so what’s the difference. Is there a difference?

I get the feeling that it’s almost like it’s biological children or you’re not in faith and you settled for second best. That’s not how I think – a child is a child. But I also don’t want to miss God. For all I know, we could be perched on the edge of being pregnant.

So while we’re confused we do nothing. And time continues to move on.

How do you know when the plan is to wait and how do you know when the plan means you take action? I’ve never been very patient and yet this is forcing me to be a lot more patient than what I usually am.


(I really don’t expect any of this to make any sense but I needed to get it out of my head and onto paper/ screen)

Well, it happened

Today the pregnant one announced that she has 3 weeks and a couple of days before she goes off on maternity leave. So my one colleague whispers to me, “we need to do something for her” meaning a baby shower.

Well, I was caught off guard but I said, “yes, I’ve got to talk to you about that sometime”.

So I was making coffee in the kitchen thinking about what and how I’m going to talk to her when she came up from the other side, also to get some tea.

So I said, “I was just thinking about you. I actually don’t even know what to say or how to explain” and then it happened… I started crying. Right there. In the kitchen.

At least I eventually stopped and explained that since I’m infertile and have been trying for over two years, it is really hard to be around happy fertile people. And as a result, I will not be helping out as I have to do whatever it takes to protect me. And I won’t be coming to the baby shower.

To her credit, she was great. She apologized for being insensitive (which she wasn’t, as I’ve never mentioned any of this to her).

At least that’s over for now.

Do you think I’m weird? Should I have just plastered a smile on my face and “got on with it”?

Friday's feast #3 - 23 March 2007

Appetizer
Who is your favorite news anchor/reporter? Why?
I don’t have one. I actually don’t watch the news at all. Too depressing. I do keep abreast by listening to the 5-minute updates on the radio.

Soup
Name 3 foods that are currently in your freezer.
pasta (we cooked some for supper last night and I always make extra to freeze), pumpkin (I buy fresh every week but if it starts going soft, then I chop it all up to freeze) and bread

Salad
If you were to have the opportunity to name a new town or city, what would you call it?
Hmm – something Irish. I love Irish names. Just busy with a Cathy Kelly now and the town is called Kinvarra – verrry nice!

Main Course
What will most likely be the next book you read?
Well, I have to finish the Cathy Kelly (Just Between Us) and then finish 1000 quick and easy organizing secrets. I like reading lots of books at once.

Dessert
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite gender?
Well, I look at their hands to see if they’re married or not! I like a man to have nice hands with clean nails. Then eyes after that – I can spot a shyster a mile off LOL


BTW, it has happened sooner than I thought. Today our colleague said to me, “we need to organize something for her soon”. So I have to deal with that on Monday. Something to look forward to.

In other baby news, my one friend emailed me today to say she's been told she has premature ovarian failure. Whatever that means - I know it's bad - I still have to google it.


Go here for more Friday's feasts

Annoyed

Now this is the thing that annoyed me so much last week.

First, some background…

My 30-year-old cousin died on 6 March because of a stomach ulcer gone wrong. While it was terrible, it did make me realize that I need to stop focusing so much on my weight, and just be grateful that I’m healthy and everything works perfectly. Except for the reproductive parts, that is.

A friend and I were emailing back and forth about her weight. She is convinced that she has a medical condition because she’s not losing weight. We’ve been over it all before and I don’t have patience anymore. I have told her that all those lattes and cappucinnos and milkshakes were adding the calories. It’s not just the food she eats. Anyway, I’m ranting…

I then told her that my cousin died last week. And exactly what I said above in the first paragraph – grateful….everything works….except for the infertility. So she goes YOU ARE NOT INFERTILE (like that, in caps). DON’T YOU BELIEVE IN GOD ANYMORE? YOU MUST BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL GET PREGNANT and so on, and so on.

So I said, please don’t shout…I can’t hear you when you scream. And I just said *sigh* this is why I can’t talk to Christians. You just don’t understand.

To which she took offence. But explained that caps lock was on, she was working in Excel, etc. Fine whatever, but it’s one key to press.

The thing is she doesn’t understand. She had her four kids at aged 20, 22, 24 and 26 – all of them were unplanned, pleasant surprises. They are super fertile.

After I explained that I do believe in God… blah blah blah… she asked for forgiveness because she didn’t want me to be cross. And up to this point, I really wasn’t angry. Sad, disappointed, but not angry. Yet.

Then she said, this is just who I am. I am straightforward and I thought you could take straight talk. Then I got angry.

Because in my opinion, that is just an excuse to be rude. I am also straightforward but the last time I looked in my Bible it does say to speak the truth in love. And I feel that as a friend she should be able at least empathise with where I’m at, and not try to be right. Even if I’ve never been through something, I always try to put myself in the other person’s shoes.

So that’s why I got angry.

Seeing as I'm on a blogging roll, I'll have to blog my take on the Christian thing too!

I'm cold and heartless

Then as I’m catching up with my blog reading, I found out that Tertia’s pregnant. Tertia is the one who had twins after 9 IVFs. Now here is the part that is still confusing to me. Intellectually I was happy for her because all baby news is good news, right? And yet. A big part of me felt nothing – or maybe a tiny bit of jealousy. I honestly can’t explain it.

I copied the link (she didn’t give away anything in the subject line) and sent it to my other trying-to-get-pregnant friend and all I said was “read this”. Then later, I tried to explain how I felt about it – huge shock, slight happiness for her, mainly disbelief. I think my heart is hardening and I’m becoming a cold, cynical person. And this is not me. So it scares me.

I think it was because if this woman, having been through 9 IVFs with all her medical history, could fall pregnant just by having sex, then I must be doing something wrong. I don’t have half the problems and we can’t even get that right.

I am also becoming judgmental which is also not me. I find myself thinking that others don’t deserve babies, or why do other people feel like they have the right to complain about not getting pregnant after just a month or two?! I used to regularly read a blog and this lady announced that they were going to start trying. After two months, she said that she had no more patience so they bought the ovulation kits to time things better. And the next month she was pregnant. So I stopped reading her blog. Silly? Yes, of course it is.

Today I learnt that Tertia went for a scan today and there was no heartbeat - the baby’s dead. It’s so terrible but at the time, again nothing. Absolutely nothing but a tiny bit of sadness. She just blogged one line. And I saw the 100 comments and thought, “at least there are other normal people to support her”. It’s only now that I’m typing this that I’m crying a little. This is why I blog – to get the stuff swirling around in my head out somewhere so I don’t go crazy. I also can’t explain things very well when I try to talk about very emotional things. But I find I can make sense of my feelings better when I write/ type them.

I used to be known for being a thoughtful, caring type of person. So this weekend in church I prayed to God that He softens my heart again.

I want to be me again.

Baby boys and baby showers

baby boys
Let me tell you about A. I work with her and when I first found out she was pregnant, I was all happiness and sunshine and we got talking. She then told me that even though she’s only 25, they’ve been battling to fall pregnant for 3 years. They went to the same infertility doctor I / we saw in November. And like us, they also told them that anything other than IVF was useless to try. Nevertheless, they decided to do AI and they were pregnant, first time around. Happiness!

Her pregnancy progressed beautifully and except for the fact that she continued smoking, she was looking after herself very nicely.

Well, she was due in June sometime, after the Ungrateful Pregnant One (early May) and my sister (late May). So imagine my shock/ horror when I heard from UPO that A had the baby. This is at something like 26/ 28 weeks. Nobody knows why her waters suddenly broke.

A and her baby boy are both fine, despite the fact that he only weighed 800g! I was so scared for her, imagining all the worst things, but he was moved out of NICU after a day or two.


baby showers
Speaking about UPO…

She'll be going off on maternity leave during the last week of April – that’s about 5 weeks left. Now as you all know, it is customary to throw a baby shower for one’s colleagues.

I’ve mentioned before that if there’s anything vaguely non work-related that has to be organised at work, like someone leaving, getting married, having a birthday, etc, I’m usually the one organising a card, present, party. But I can’t do it this time. Not only that – I don’t think I will be up to even going. Sitting in a room with 30 women all cooing over a baby is going to be torture! Even now, I’m fine talking with her one-on-one but not in a group - I then have to leave. And I have seen recently that she’s become more tactful about baby things. Prayer does work!

And strangely enough, I know she’ll understand. I have to protect myself so up the boundaries come. It’s the rest of them that won’t understand. People think you’re just being weird when you don’t want to participate in the “rites of passage”. What rubbish!

The other day another team member suggested that the three of us go to a maternity shop to help UPO buy some maternity clothes. Before I knew it, out of my mouth popped, “I can’t think of anything I’d rather not do!” I tried to cover up with a joke but it didn’t quite work. Oh well. They pay me to work, not for all this other rubbish…

Anyway! Any suggestions for dealing with this baby shower thing?

Friday's feast #2 - 16 March 2007

(sorry about all the memes - I'm working on an infertility post because someone really upset me this week but I have to calm down before I post LOL)

Appetizer
Name two things that made you smile this week.
This post and this one made me laugh out loud. And so did this one.

Soup
Fill in the blank: Don't you hate it when ________?
you see the perfect shoe and it’s not in your size

Salad
When you can't go to sleep, what is your personal remedy to help yourself drift into Lullabyland?
I don’t have any remedy. I sleep like a baby. In fact, a bomb could go off at my house and I’d probably sleep through it. Honestly.

Main Course
What is something about which you've always wondered but have not yet found a good answer?
Can’t think of anything. I’m not the wondering type. I’m very practical ESTJ. Or if I wonder, I get straight onto the internet and find an answer.

Oh wait, there is something. I wonder often if we would have had all these problems trying to have a baby if we’d started trying earlier (before I turned 30, that is).

Dessert
What is your favorite pasta dish?
Fettucine Alfredo. Without a doubt.

Go here for more feasts

Fashion Meme From A to Z

I found this over at Fashion Meme From A to Z

A: What accessories do you wear everyday?
One of my many watches, my wedding ring on my left hand, a silver ring on my right hand, pearl earrings and my handbag.

B: What is your beauty routine?
In the morning, wash face, moisturise, and then the amount of make0-up depends on how late I am. Usually, eye-liner and lipstick and some face powder. Sometimes I bother with eye shadow.

C: What was the last item of clothing (for yourself) that you purchased?
Two weeks ago I bought a white T-shirt which I still haven’t worn. This was to replace my old one. I sprayed the underarms with stain remover as I do for all my clothes, especially when it’s as hot here as it has been this summer. Well, something reacted because the deodorant stain turned purple. That’s right, purple on a white T-shirt. Anyway, moving along…

D: Do you use a dresser, closet, or both?
Both.

E: What type of earrings are in your ears right now?
Pearl studs. I’m really boring with earrings. My husband bought me my first pair about 5 years ago together with a pearl ring (very dainty and feminine – suited my small, thin hands beautifully) and I loved them.

Then one day I decided to change jewellery and that was the day we were burgled! I was devastated. Honestly. You don’t know how I loved those pearls. So we replaced the earrings because they’re quite easy to find. They’re studs after all. But the ring? I haven’t seen anything like it since, at the same store or at any other jewellery store since. Now you know why these ones NEVER leave my ears.

F: What type of figure do you have?
Well... I am within my normal body weight although I would prefer to lose another 3kg. MissusSmartyPants says I’ve Cute Curves (hip measurement bigger than shoulders). I bought this profile thing a few weeks ago and it is excellent. Because I’m chicken, I only bought one season for now. Go have a look – it’s a nice site.

G: Do you wear glasses?
Yes. Used to wear contacts for about 2 years and then I’d had enough. I have very sensitive eyes and had to get up 30 mins early just to put those things in. So that was that. Sleep is far more important.

H: What type of handbag do you carry?
Big ones. No, just joking. I like nice handbags that are functional (lots of pockets to organise your stuff). I change them out to go with my outfit. The red one in this post is my current favourite.

I: What is your ideal style?
Casual – jeans and slops kinda gal.
Although for work I like suits – it makes me feel more like working and being productive. And some days, I need all the help I can get.

J: What jewelry are you wearing right now?
Same as in A above

K: Do you wear knee-hi stockings?
Yes, I do. With pants.

L: Do you *have* to wear matching lingerie?
Um. No.

M: Do you wear makeup, and if so, what products do you use?
Not really. Usually Olay. Anything with anti-shine!!!

N: Do you wear nightgowns?
Nope. I'm a pyjama girl.

O: What outerwear do you put on when going out on a typical winter day?
A coat, boots and gloves. Sometimes a cap.

P: What is your favorite perfume?
I don’t wear any. I have allergic rhinitis which means I sneeze at any weird smells.

Q: Is your motto "quality over quantity" when it comes to clothing and accessories?
That certainly is the aim with most of my clothes, just not with my obsessions.

R: Do you wear rain boots?
Never.

S: Do you wear socks or slippers when your feet get cold?
Yes, yes, yes. I usually do have cold feet so I live in socks when it’s winter.

T: Do you have a set of travel luggage?
Yes. And I can’t wait to use it again. We’re now planning a short 5-day trip to Cape Town for our anniversary next month.

U: What is your daily uniform?
Smart work clothes during the week.
On weekends, jeans and T-shirt. Always nice T-shirts. I declutter anything old and ugly with vigour and enthusiasm.
In winter, long-sleeved T-shirts, jerseys, jeans, cords, etc.

V: If you are married, did you wear a veil with your wedding dress? If not, how did you do your hair?
Yes I wore a veil.

W: Do you wear a watch?
Always. I’m sure I was born with it. LOL

X: What item of clothing always makes you feel eXtremely beautiful?
A knee-length skirt or dress. I have good legs from all those years of ballet. In fact, when I’m having my period and generally feeling fat and ugly, I make a point of wearing a skirt so that I know something looks good!

Y: What is your favorite type of yarn?
Yarn????

Z: Do you prefer zippers or buttons?
Zips.

Now I'm tagging Becky and whoever else wants to play along. Let me know in the comments if you do this.

Thanks.

Bloggity fun

You can get this at www.snapshirts.com

Friday's feast #1 - 9 March 2007

Hi all

This is my first Friday's feast! For more feasters, go here.

Appetizer
What is your usual bedtime? Do you like that, or would you rather it be different?
My usual bedtime is around 12! I would like it to be earlier but I am realizing that I am a night owl no matter what time I have to get up in the morning.

Soup
When it comes to advice, do you give more or receive more?
I give more. Definitely. That’s why I coach LOL although coaching isn’t advice, I obviously do guide and direct people.

Salad
Describe a memorable meal you've had.
Hmmm – Thailand… Almost all of the meals there were memorable. Delicious memorable – fresh ingredients, healthy food not cooked by me and utterly tasty with new ingredients.

Main Course
Name a work of fiction that affected the way you think about something.
A painted house – John Grisham.
I loved this book because it was from the viewpoint of a child. It totally transported me back in time and got me thinking from other perspectives. (I usually read chick lit and other stuff from an adult’s point of view)

Dessert
What is your favorite type of fruit juice?
Guava! Shortly after we started trying to have a baby, I suddenly had a craving for guava juice (I was never much of a fan before so thought I’m definitely pregnant). And I wasn’t. But ever since then, I have been hooked on guava juice.

in the wars

Gee whiz. I haven't been feeling very well lately. And this is very weird for me - to be unwell for 3 weekends in a row.

Friday 16th Feb
Woke up with severe stomach cramps. I thought it was because I was hungry so had breakfast as normal and waited for the cramping to stop.

It didn't. So I phoned the onsite nurse and she said to come straight away. I said I would the minute I could walk because at this point I was hunched over my desk - I couldn't even straighten up. Well, I got the security guys to drive me to the other building in the little golf carts they use (that part was cool).

She did a urine test and prodded me quite a bit (very sore) before pronouncing me well. She said there was nothing wrong but wind. Wind! And I was sent off with some antacid stuff which I started taking immediately.

By the next morning around 11am I was all better. (No sign of this since - thank God)


Friday 23rd
Periods. Lots of Nurofen. Need I say more?

I have been having 8-day periods the last 3 - 4 cycles. Before that they were about 6 days long. Ridiculous! For the first 2 - 3 days, there's virtually nothing, and then the cramps and bleeding start in ernest. That carries on for about 3 days and then the last couple of days are very similiar to the first ones - not much pain, bleeding, etc.

During the middle days, I bleed copiously. And I have to have 2 Nurofen strictly every 4 - 6 hours. Sometimes I take more than is allowed because I just can't cope. At this point I don't care if I have other side effects - I just want the pain to stop. The pain is worse on my left side and is so bad that my left leg goes numb right down to mid-thigh. Isn't it fun being a girl!

So last Friday, I sat there at work, leg going more and more numb until I couldn't take it any more. And went home to veg in front of the TV/ in bed with my hotwater bottle and Nurofen as my cherished companions.

That was weekend 2.

Thursday 1 March
Our office is ice-cold inside and since I'm in the southern hemisphere, it is summer and blazing hot outside. These inconsistent temperatures are not good and as a result, I started having the sniffles on Wed. Thursday it was really bad - red nose and tearing eyes having joined the party.

A couple of Degoran and I was right as rain on Friday as far as that was concerned BUT guess what took the place?

Sharp, stabbing pains on my left woke me on Friday morning. Like period pains. Except my periods have been over for about 4 days. So I waited it out as long as I could (at this point on the endometriosis journey, my pain threshold is quite high) and at 6pm I took a Nurofen. Worked like a dream after the inevitable 90-minute delay.

Did the same on Saturday and again today...

Anybody have any idea what it could be? If this continues, I'll have to go to the gynae.

What kind of handbag are you?

I picked this one up on another blog and couldn't resist! You know how much I love handbags.

You Are a Classic Gucci Bag

You've got style mastered - because you stick with what works Like this Gucci Bag, you prefer classic items that stand the test of time You're also a bit of a practical girl, who prefers function over fluff You prefer a big bag, so that you can have your stuff with you at all times

What Handbag Are You?

Thursday Thirteen #12 - 13 things I can’t live without

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1. Alone time
Today has been meeting after boring meeting and I’m exhausted. Why? Because I haven’t had time to myself.


2. Nurofen
I absolutely depend on these things, for 2 days every 25 – 26 days…enough said


3. Water
I drink at least 2L every day and it is definitely my drink of choice


4. My car
I sometimes think back on the time in my life when I used to take public transport to work. I don’t know how I ever waited around for buses because I’m way too impatient now.


5. my computer
Many a happy hour has been spent blogging, reading blogs, developing course content, writing, etc, etc.


6. the internet, blogging, etc.
You know what it’s like – addictive!


7. Google reader
Since I discovered this two weeks ago, I can’t believe how much time I’ve saved


8. My memory stick
What did we do before memory sticks? I can take stuff from home, bring them to work to work on, take them back home without leaving multiple copies on both computers and having to save carefully in case I use the wrong document.


9. My lipstick
I can do without any other make-up but not my lipstick!


10. Books
I am absolutely no fun if I don’t have books around. I read fiction, non-fiction, ebooks, real books, anything. Something you didn’t know about me – I’m a bit weird and I set a monthly reading goal (7 – 5 fiction and 2 non-fiction).


11. Organising time
When I’m overwhelmed or a bit stressed, I find that organising a drawer or area in my home (or on computer) calms me down. I think it’s because I can restore some order to at least some part of my life.


12. My husband
He is my rock, my anchor in any storm, my support, my confidante, my best friend and the father of future babies!


13. God
Without whom I would be a wreck, probably been involved in many car accidents due to my fast driving, and definitely would have no peace.

Recent happenings

Some weird/ funny things have happened lately:

Driving
The other day I was driving to the gym and as I was approaching the 4-way stop, I noticed a male driver at the approaching stop street directing the traffic.

Now people in this city never know who goes first because nobody concentrates and I have always wanted to do it but you’ll admit that it is a bit bossy. But here’s this guy saying “you go, and then you go", and so on, until it was his turn.

I burst out laughing because I love it when I see other weirdos out there.


Jobs 1
One of my corporate clients sent an email to me and some other people telling us about a job (really good one) and asking us if we knew of anyone who fitted the bill.

My take on this is that she wanted to ask us to apply but didn’t want to be seen as “stealing us” from our current companies.

So I thought about it for a day and then emailed to tell her that I’d like to apply. I updated my CV and sent it in. Now, not to brag or anything, but I have a really good CV – one which always invites at least a spark of interest. I also have my photo on there which I think is good marketing for me. (Of course, if I looked like you, Becky, I’d definitely get invited to interview straight away. LOL )

No news yet since Monday when I sent it but that’s fine. I actually feel quite honoured that she was so excited to get my CV.


Jobs 2
Then in other news, I get the weirdest voice mail on my phone today. Someone from a recruitment agency…however I’ve never dealt with them before…they have the perfect position for me.

Curiosity more than anything else made me phone him back.

It’s an admin management position, the likes of which I am really good at. The upper level their client gave him is below what I’m currently earning and I’m not moving unless it’s a REALLY good offer because we’re also on incentive bonuses here and I got a really good bonus last year, so I’m not about to be flighty just yet.

But still, nice to know that I’m wanted.

How I know I'm not 16 anymore

Tonight I went to my hip-hop dance class and I was in the zone! It happens so rarely but is so beautiful.

I was moving, shaking - it was almost like a real performance for me when I go all out! Or it's my type A personality coming through again.

Nevertheless it was a stunning class and I was on top of the world with all those good hormones flooding through my body.

However, after I got home, I had my shower and sat with my laptop in front of the TV, doing some work.

When I got up, I was sooo sore. That's when I realised I'm not 16 anymore.

Thursday Thirteen #11 - personal blogs I love reading...and why

Go here for other TT participants.

Thursday Thirteen – personal blogs I love reading

I browsed on over to those Share the Love awards earlier this week. While I’m not into all these bloggy popularity contests, I did feel bad that I didn’t wake-up quickly enough to nominate some of my favourite blogs, hence this post. (Did I just say hence? Slap me, someone)

Sweatpantsmom
Sweatpantsmom is one of the coolest moms around. To me, she appears to have it all together. She’s secure enough in her own skin to be exactly who she is and that impresses me to no end. What a great example to her two daughters! She’s funny and nice and a great writer and a great mom, and she loves coffee. Someone after my own heart!


Becky’s blog
I love Becky’s personality and of course, her cute daughter too. Becky is the type of person I’d be friends with in real life. She cares about people so much, loves her family and is an all-round stunning person! She also loves taking tons of photos – nothing wrong with that when you’re as beautiful as she is!


The simple life which I think has now moved to Mindi Bartell Photography
Mindi has the three cutest kids in the world – her youngest was just born in Dec, I think. She is a wonderful mom. You can see by the way she tells stories of her kids that she’s a fun mom and of course, a hugely talented photographer. I would love for her to take pictures of me because I’m sure then they would actually look decent! LOL


Antique Mommy
This is my new favourite blog. I love her writing so much and she is LOL funny. I picked her up from the Org Junkie’s blogroll so I’m a new reader but I haven’t read anything I don’t like. Now, due to the weird person I am, I’m busy trawling through her archives. Her story of why she is an antique mommy made me think so much – if anyone is trying to have a baby, go and read it under The Best of Antique Mommy. And remember lines in the sand, okay?


So close
This is Tertia’s infertility blog. I picked it up from a newsletter that I got sent and the other day when I read it, I see that she is the 3rd most popular South African website. Wow!!! I was hooked on this blog for weeks on end as I went through her archives where she speaks so honestly about infertility. An inspiration as the twins she now has is the result of her…wait for this…9th IVF treatment.


Mom-101
She is one of the first blogs I started reading because she writes so darn well. I must admit I don’t check on her feeds first these days because it sometimes feels like there’s too much social commentary. And I read blogs to relax, to be quite honest. She has a gorgeous daughter (and is pregnant with number 2) and if you don’t know her, go read her post Born Smiling, an ode to her daughter, and I still think one of the best things I have read in a blog post.


Metrodad
I discovered Metrodad from Mom-101’s blogroll and I haven’t looked back. He is SOOOO funny and that daughter of his is just too precious. I love the way he is besotted with his wife and daughter. It’s also so nice to read about New York City, one of my favourite cities in the world. I am addicted to all things New York – there’s something else you didn’t know about me.


Bohemian Girl
I picked up this blog from Superhero journal. And obviously since we both want to have babies, I love reading her blog because it so often echoes exactly what I’m feeling but sometimes can’t find the words for. She’s hugely artistic (and I’m SO not!) which is very very interesting to me but obviously worlds apart. I mean, for goodness sake, I studied science!


Austin to Africa, Brasil to the Bay
Ali is an American now living in Mozambique. Her take on things African is fascinating – some days they don’t have water, then the next they’re living it up eating gorgeous food in a swanky seafood restaurant. I love the way she describes all her experiences of Africa. She is a writer and also a jewellery designer and is another blogger who loves taking pictures.


I’m an organizing junkie
Okay, now here’s a kindred spirit. She is so funny in the way she celebrates her uniqueness. She loves organizing and has lots of really good ideas which she shares so freely with others. I think she was nominated for Inspiring blog in those blog award thingies. Go on over and be prepared for those educational organizing pictures. Oh, she also hosts Menu Plan Monday.


Rocks in my dryer
This is the home of Works for me Wednesday. Wow – if you’ve never been there before, you will spend hours going through all of the great tips the participants leave every week. I see that Shannon also won stacks of those Share the Love things last year so looks like I’m late to the party as usual. I found this blog through the Org Junkie too (she’s got lots of good blogs on her blogroll)


Blah Blah Blog
I think I found Carrie’s blog through some scrapbooking blogs when I was surfing one day. And the reason I keep coming back is because her life seems so idyllic and perfect – 3 perfect kids, a beautiful home, nice husband, suburbia, nice neighbours, etc. For me, it is like something out of the movies (in a good way). She is into organizing, cooking and photography too so always has some good ideas on her blog.


Suburban Turmoil
Lindsay is a journalist in Nashville. Another pregnant blogger at the moment. I must confess that I read this one for humour and a bit of controversy. She writes some provocative posts but the comments are what you really must read!

And that’s all for now, folks. Hope you enjoyed this stroll though blogland with me.

Clumsiness

The strangest thing happens to me sometimes. I have a day or two of clumsiness where I am almost dangerous in the kitchen.

The last time this happened was last week. I somehow misjudged, thought there was enough space on the counter and put this white mug down. It totally missed and this is what happened.

Then the next day at work, I misjudged distances again and one of my work mugs slipped out of my hand and broke beautifully (all over the floor in millions of little pieces).

That night I was cooking and the garlic & chilli mix slipped from my hands again and landed up all over the kitchen floor.

I read once that it happens because of our hormones. Apparently it's to do with our spatial awareness at this time. I don't know much further than that, but since then I have noticed that I'm usually having my period when I go into clumsy mode. Then again, I'm not very good spatially at the best of times :)

Sometimes I'll cut my finger while chopping onions, burn myself when taking things out of the oven or spill coffee, sugar, etc. The good thing is sooner or later, I figure it out and call for my husband to help because then he knows that me being in the kitchen is just a bad idea all round.

Is this weirdness just me, or does it happen to anybody else?

My name is Leigh and I’m a type A

I’m annoyed. My salsa dance teacher is still away. We know that she got married and she is apparently still on honeymoon.

So in her place is a belly dance class. I went for two weeks and that was about all I could stand. Belly dancing is too boring for me. I’m the type of gal who needs lots of action and stuff going on in any exercise class.

This is also why yoga and pilates just don’t do it for me. I went to one yoga and one pilates class in my life and both times I nearly fell asleep – it was so boring.

I read recently on a blog (I think it was petroville) about Type A exercises. And my word, I think that’s me. Some of the characteristics I remember are..
1. Likes to be in the front in class
2. Gets annoyed when someone takes “your place”
3. Are competitive in class!


This is all me!

Anyway, this is messing up my health and fitness plans!!! My goal this year is to increase my exercise from 2 to 3 hours a week. So the sooner the salsa dance teacher gets back the better.

Thursday Thirteen #10 - Random thoughts on blogging

For other TT participants, have a look at www.thursdaythirteen.com


1. You can make friends from all over the world.
2. it is amazing to me that not everybody “gets” blogging, like my husband, friends, etc.
3. Comments = love. Although I read somewhere (probably on a blog) that only about 10% of people reading actually comment.
4. It’s like a HUGE reality TV show as you look in on other people’s lives
5. I didn’t know there are popularity contests in the blogging world too.
6. You will never have enough time to read all the blogs you want.
7. Not everybody plays nicely. Some people seem to think they can be rude to you on your own blog. This is so weird to me. If you don’t like what you read, you can disagree respectfully and move on.
8. When you start thinking about things like “I must blog this” or “this will be perfect for the blog” you’re getting addicted. Trust me, I know.
9. I have a weird thing – when I find a new blog I like, I feel compelled to go back and read all the archives.
10. Some bloggers could just print out their entire blogs and publish them. They’re that good. Like Sweatpantsmom. If you don’t already read her, then go over and go read all her archives!
11. I’ve come to realize that as with everything else in life, I have to prioritise my blogging.
12. I didn’t realize that I’d learn so many things from reading blogs – from infertility to recipes to how to be a nice friend.
13. And the photos? Don’t get me started. I specifically take photos now with the sole intention of blogging them.

I need to update everybody on what's been going on...not much... but that's another post!

The results are in

On Friday last week, D went for a sperm test to see whether anything had changed.

This is, of course, after the first two sperm tests where test 1 said the count and motility were fine, test 2 said only the motility was fine and so you can see why I wanted another test.

The doctor said that if the count and motility was fine this time, then we could try AI.

Anyway, I get a voicemail on my phone yesterday from the nurse to say the results are in and can we please phone her. And oh, by the way, she loves my voicemail. (I have something like this at the end - "and remember, small changes, compounded over time, produce huge results. So take action today")

We didn't phone her (he can't talk from work and I was HECTICALLY busy - I mean, 8 meetings in 1 day is just crazy AND THEN I had a coaching appointment after work, so I was finished!) so she phoned us at home this morning.

Okay, I'll put you out of your suspense. The results are better than test 2 but not good enough so looks like we have to go for IVF if we're going to go that route.

I was remarkably calm when D told me. Or maybe it hadn't fully hit me yet.

So this weekend we have serious discussions!

I am so sore!

okay, so I'm less than 3 kg away from goal weight. It's so close I can almost feel it.

So I decided to do what I can to get me there quicker (ideally by 1 March since that's when I started Weigh-Less).

I eat very well (lots of veggies and fruit, water, the whole shebang) and that doesn't really change all that much for me from week to week. Of course 5 - 10% of the time I do snack, have the odd bit of cake, and so on!

Anyway, I had this bright idea to add some weights to my normal routine just to accelerate the metabolism.

The idea is to do an extra 10 minutes, 6 days a week, totally doable.

I think I managed 3 sessions last week. It seemed to be working because I noticed about a 0.4kg drop in weight.

So I thought if I go to a Body Conditioning/ Toning class where they do use weights, I can get it all done in one go! Yippee! (I really don't enjoy getting all hot and sweaty). And if I feel like doing the 10-minute sessions 3 times on top of that, I'll be just fine.

So today I went. And I am dead on my feet. I could barely move my legs down the stairs after that Low and Tone class.

And I don't even want to think about how sore I'll be tomorrow.

But I feel great and that scale better agree with me this week.

Thursday Thirteen #9 - some of my passions/ obsessions

I used to think that my passions/ obsessions were normal until I found out that not many people have the same excitement about these things.

1. Handbags – this is a severe sickness. I admit it and that’s that. But people, I hear them calling out to me “buy me, buy me”

My latest buy

2. Wallets – this has to a certain degree stopped since I found my most recent one in October. I love, love. Love it and everywhere I go, people comment on my gorgeous wallet.

3. Watches – bad one. We had a burglary about 18 months ago and all 13 were stolen except the one I was wearing to work (obviously LOL). I since started again and I have about 8 to 10. Too scared to start counting…

4. Slops – this is a new one. A certain local department store just kept bringing out such comfortable and lovely slops and I kept buying and buying. Bad, I know.

5. Mugs – I’m getting better with this one too. Now I buy to give away. Lots of my friends get 4 – 6 mugs for gifts. I can’t resist buying pretty ones!

6. Notebooks – I was really into spiral-bound ones until I discovered some new ones with the satin bookmark inside and an envelope at the back to hold loose papers. They came in pink, lilac and mint-green so I bought a couple of each. Still on my pink one at the moment. And they’re so cute – small enough to keep in your handbag.

7. Pens – ooh, gel pens, normal pens, they’re all delicious. Only prerequisite is they must be medium point.

8. Diaries/ planners – I buy about 2 to 3 every year while I’m deciding which one I like best. Then I give the others away as Christmas gifts.

9. To-do lists and other organizing tools – I am a total sucker for good forms. I make my own too and I recently packaged my household forms into a downloadable file for sale on my web. Contact me if you want to buy it.

10. Bookmarks – the good thing here is that I go through them regularly. And this is another thing – if I see a nice one, I’ll buy it and give it to someone when I buy them a book as a gift.

11. Books – enough said. I had to clean out my bookshelf and get rid of about two bags to make space for those acquired over December!

12. Cleaning products, especially new ones on the market. My husband says I’m a marketer’s dream because I’ll try anything once.

13. Keyrings – I have such a big collection that I have two on each of my house and car sets, and I now use them on the handbag zips too.

And those are some of my passions. Am I weird?

What are yours?

P.S. My toolbar is missing so I can't post pictures of my wallet or cute notebook. Anybody know how to fix it?

Update - looks like the toolbar only disappears at work. I'm going to try clearing my browser there. But as you can see the pictures are up.

How to get your boss to respond to your emails

Send him an email and tell him the legal guy who does all your work has resigned.

A response just a few seconds later is guaranteed – trust me!


It is going to get interesting around here after the end of the month. My company takes their own sweet time to re-employ and it took us 3 months before they hired him last time around.




And in other work news, I clicked onto a blog yesterday and what do I see?

Huge security warnings.

We now have quotas on reading anything in the category “newsgroups/ blogs”.

I suppose I should be grateful that I still get limited access (30 minutes a day). But it’s annoying – everytime you get a message saying x minutes used, so many remaining.

However I don’t want to push the envelope as I’ve had two security warnings already, one for too many hits in the day and the other for sending out a big mail attachment to lots of friends :o

So what does that mean? I’m too scared to read all your blogs in case I get busted. So it’ll have to be a quick squiz around once I’ve done my own blogging.

I have dial-up at home so it literally takes me hours to do anything. I need to get fast access!!!

On the bright side, I'm really doing exceptionally well at work now as I have no choice but to actually work : o )

Thursday Thirteen # 8 - work to do on my business

Thursday Thirteen #7 Business stuff I need to do


1. Figure out Bloglines so I don't spend so much time looking through my favourites seeing which blogs are updated

2. Get professional headshots done

3. Start submitting all my articles to article directories

4. RSS feeder – what the *&^* is this anyway?!

5. Update my customer list – remember the computer problems I had? Well, the virus wiped out my customer file and the last time I did a total back-up was 1 March last year!

6. Email all my clients and offer them my new goals programme

7. SEO – rewrite a lot of my site and put in major keywords

8. Google adsense – another thing I need to sort out on my blog

9. Write a "why I am perfect to speak at your organisation" marketing brochure and load the pdf to my site

10. Contact the radio station that interviewed me last year to see if they'll consider a weekly "ask the organiser" segment.

11. Go through all posts on my three business blogs and make tags/ labels on all posts to make searching easy. Now that I've converted to Beta Blogger.

12. Investigate hiring a virtual assistant (web person) or maybe swop coaching for web services with someone to do the fancy stuff I want to do on my site

13. Check http://www.surveymonkey.com/ for results of my latest survey


Oh my word, now I feel excited but a bit overwhelmed too!!!!!