The job - part 1

I’ve been trying to find time to blog this since the weekend. And now finally I have a chance.

One of my clients sent an email out to a number of her contacts asking if we knew of anyone who was interested in applying for a position at her company. Personally I feel like she wanted us to apply but didn’t want to be seen to be “poaching” us if we got the job as we have some joint ventures with this particular company. Anyway, so I applied. I thought, “let’s throw it out there and see what happens”.

This was in February. So I hear nothing for a month and thought nothing of it because I’m not really looking, you know. But then a by the way at the end of one of our conversations and she says, “you have been shortlisted”. Okay….

Then again weeks go by and nothing. Then one afternoon I get a call from her. The HR person has been trying to get hold of me and can’t seem to get hold of me. I’m like, “really? That’s strange. Because if I don’t answer, my cell phone goes to voicemail.” Anyway I confirmed all my details and that was that.

So finally he phones me and we make the interview for Thursday 26 April. I arrive at the interview 5 minutes late (they have a gazillion buildings and I went to the wrong one first). Interesting thing happened though. I was at the correct reception eventually and the HR guy sees me and calls my name. He recognized me from my photo on my CV (I totally forgot that was on there and it is very out of date – 2 years old – but I’ve been told the photo makes me look older. I only left it on there because it’s the only one of me in “work clothes (a suit)”.

Now I don’t mean to boast – I really don’t (hear my heart please) – but I do very well in interviews. I’ve always been a confident, self-assured person and I have no trouble at all being interviewed by one or a number of people. In fact I prefer panel interviews (my view is I get all the people over and done with at one time) and this time it was one of those – there were 3 people.

Another thing – in all my years of working I’ve only been to one interview where I wasn’t offered the position (and that was an internal position so company politics prevailed). I’ve heard that your CV (resume) must make you stand out from the pack so mine looks very different - first of all, it’s not the same, boring things like the other 101 people applying for the same position. And secondly, I have the picture and some interesting things on there. They are either going to love me or hate me and if they still want to see me, we’re going to get along great.

So then the interview. I am always brutally honest – some would say to my detriment. You know all the things you’re not supposed to do in an interview? Yeah well, I do them. My view is that if there are issues, they better come out now. Because if I start working with you, if something was irritating you about me, it is going to get worse J And also I interview right back. At the end when they ask if there are any questions, I always have a couple and I go for it. I check what type of personalities the boss has (I can’t stand controlling, micro-managing people) and what the team culture is (hate the clock-watching type of companies) and so on.

I'll post part 2 tomorrow.

But in the meantime, what are you like in an interview?

Friday's feast #6 - 4 May 2007

I've been away for a mid-year break but I will post more this weekend. For now, enjoy this feast.

Speaking of feasts, I need to seriously lose 4 kg because I've been eating and eating over the last couple of months and the jeans are getting tight again!


Appetizer
Name something you would not want to own.
A dishwasher. I have a thing about hand washing dishes. For me, it seems like you get to the dirt better.

Soup
Describe your hair (texture, color, length, etc.).
It is dark-brown but I started going grey quite young (25) so I colour it with brown-red highlights. My hair's shoulder length but because it's so curly, it looks like it's in a bob half the time. I remember reading on your blog, Becky, how you flat-iron it every day to get it straight. I'm getting there... I do straighten it about once a month.

Salad
Finish this sentence: I’ll never forget ___________.
I'll never forget when I first realised what it is that God had created me to do. It was awesome - talk about a penny dropping!

(to inspire other people to achieve their goals)

Main Course
Which famous person would you like to be for one day? Why?
No, I'm not interested in being other people. Let alone famous. Even for one day.

I love my freedom too much and I wouldn't be able to handle the invasion of privacy. Unless it's internet famous - that I can handle.

Dessert
Write one sentence about yourself that includes one thing that is true and another thing that is not.
I love doing puzzles/ playing board games and speaking to large groups of people.

Can you guess which is true and which is not? Tell me in the comments. This should be fun.

Edited to add
Puzzles - not true
Speaking to people - true ;)

Friday's Feast #5

Appetizer
What is your favorite kind of bread?
All kinds! This is my weakness. I can tell you what I don’t like – white bread and white rolls. Anything else is just delicious. I enjoy anything wholegrain!

Soup
When was the last time you bought a new pillow?
Decorative pillows? A few months ago, in December. The standard sleeping pillows? Gee – ages ago.

Salad
Approximately how many hours per week do you spend surfing the ‘net?
Touchy subject! That depends on how disciplined I’m being. I try to read blogs through Google Reader so that I don’t have to click through and get distracted by the comments. Probably spend an hour or more on the internet every day – not all that time is surfing; some is my blogging (I have 6 blogs all in all) and work on my website, shopping carts, and so on.

Main course
What’s the highest you remember your temperature being?
I’m not unhealthy at all (except for the infertility) so I never get sick. Like in the last 8 years, I haven’t had 1 normal sick day. Of course, I was booked off for a week each time with both laparoscopies in 2002 and 2004.

Maybe in hindsight it would have been better to be a bit more normal with sicknesses like other people and who knows? Maybe the babies would come easier too J

Dessert
Fill in the blanks: When I ____________, I _____________.
When I decide to do something, I absolutely commit to it. Some might call it stubbornness; I call it persistence.

I did it

The baby shower was today and I helped organize the guest list, eats and so forth. Because I’m probably the best person to do so in the department, just because I’m organised.

I went to check the venue, seating and eats 15 minutes before the time and wasn’t planning to stay but I thought I’d sit right near the door to make a quick escape if I needed to.

I did start crying twice but I just clenched my lips, blinked to get rid of the tears and focussed. Well, the first time, it was because she started crying. She said “oh my word.. this is such a surprise. I can’t believe it” and she burst out crying. And so did I.

And then the second time was with the baby clothes. I have now noticed that I don’t mind seeing other baby items – anything really. But it’s the clothes that get me.

I’m busy decluttering big-time at home and I came across a storage box labeled Baby Stuff. Do you know what’s in there? Stuff from when I thought we were reproductively normal. I’d be shopping for baby showers and get an extra outfit for the baby (I thought) I’d be pregnant with soon. We are also both big readers and when I used to go to the bookstore, I’d buy children’s books for our baby. Of course hanging onto hope and thinking, “next month I’ll be pregnant”. So the box has some baby clothes, some books and some baby toiletries.

Anyway I said all that to say… I’m proud that I did it! But I can't say I'll do it again. It also helped that this was at work so we only had 1 hour, no fussing and not too much sentimentality.

baby news update

We had the saddest news at work last week. The little 800g baby that was born prematurely died. He had to have a heart operation and he pulled through that just fine. But then he didn't react very well to the drugs he had to have after the op, and died two days later. They are understandably devastated.

The baby shower is happening next week and I have decided not to go. I've got to do what I can to protect myself (boundaries and so forth) and I can't act like a freak in front of all the work people. Becky, I am happy for other people - nobody deserves to go through this; not even my worse enemy. It's hard for me to smile and be happy when inside my heart is breaking. And tears are so close to the surface.

My DH announced that he definitely doesn't want to adopt. I have to respect that. He says it's because the whole thrill of having children (for him) is that he gets to see each of us in the children's features and mannerisms, and so forth. At first I was quite upset but then I calmed down. I do understand. We spoke about it again later on the Easter weekend and we are now fine.

Still don't know if I'm ready for IVF. Honestly. But I do believe that we must both be mentally totally committed if we're going to throw those exorbitant sums of money at the process.

My other friend with premature ovarian failure is not doing great. We are having lunch next week while the baby shower happens. It looks like the only solution is donor eggs.

Who would have thought having babies could be so complicated?

Friday's Feast # 4

Appetizer
What are you proud of?
I’m proud of the fact that I got off my butt and did something about fulfilling my dreams as opposed to just talking about it. In 2002, I started writing a newsletter to about 20 of my friends and I now have a proper (part-time) coaching business, with a website and mailing list of a lot more than 20 people!

Soup
What is the best thing you’ve ever won as a prize?
Hmm. I went to a workshop once and won one of the spot prizes, a hamper from Pepperdew. That is the only thing I’ve ever won so it’s got to be the best thing.

Salad
Name something you do that is a waste of time.
Reading too many blogs. But I’m getting it all organised one step at a time. First Google reader & slowly putting some systems into place. Like already I limit myself to 4 nights a week. And I’m going to start imposing time limits!

Main Course
In what year of your life did you change the most?
I would have to say last year. The infertility diagnosis made me a cynical, cold and heartless person. Someone I don’t know all that well.
And negative! As a result I’ve stopped reading so many infertility blogs to try and keep myself reasonably positive.

Dessert
Where is a place you consider to be very tranquil?
Any place with water. Water is very peaceful and soothing for me. At my house, it would have to be our sun lounge because I can hear the trickle of the water feature by the pool. Lovely.

Infertility and the Christian

I am a Christian and I do believe that I’ll be a mother one day. Years back I used to do those “imagine yourself in five, ten, twenty years visualisation exercises” and I ALWAYS saw two kids in my future. So that settles that. LOL

I was listening to a teaching tape the other day by Paul Scanlan on dreams and he said something to the effect that God doesn’t give you a dream just to take it away. He gives us those dreams and He wants you to have it. But with dreams, you have to have a plan.

So I know that the children will happen. It’s the HOW that I’m not so sure about.

The way I see it, it’s either biological children or adopted children. However, biological children can come “naturally” and who knows what that is anymore, or through ART (assisted reproductive techniques – see? I’ve been brushing up on my lingo).

Does it mean that if you do IVF, that you’re not believing God for a child? I mean it’s all biological so what’s the difference. Is there a difference?

I get the feeling that it’s almost like it’s biological children or you’re not in faith and you settled for second best. That’s not how I think – a child is a child. But I also don’t want to miss God. For all I know, we could be perched on the edge of being pregnant.

So while we’re confused we do nothing. And time continues to move on.

How do you know when the plan is to wait and how do you know when the plan means you take action? I’ve never been very patient and yet this is forcing me to be a lot more patient than what I usually am.


(I really don’t expect any of this to make any sense but I needed to get it out of my head and onto paper/ screen)

Well, it happened

Today the pregnant one announced that she has 3 weeks and a couple of days before she goes off on maternity leave. So my one colleague whispers to me, “we need to do something for her” meaning a baby shower.

Well, I was caught off guard but I said, “yes, I’ve got to talk to you about that sometime”.

So I was making coffee in the kitchen thinking about what and how I’m going to talk to her when she came up from the other side, also to get some tea.

So I said, “I was just thinking about you. I actually don’t even know what to say or how to explain” and then it happened… I started crying. Right there. In the kitchen.

At least I eventually stopped and explained that since I’m infertile and have been trying for over two years, it is really hard to be around happy fertile people. And as a result, I will not be helping out as I have to do whatever it takes to protect me. And I won’t be coming to the baby shower.

To her credit, she was great. She apologized for being insensitive (which she wasn’t, as I’ve never mentioned any of this to her).

At least that’s over for now.

Do you think I’m weird? Should I have just plastered a smile on my face and “got on with it”?

Friday's feast #3 - 23 March 2007

Appetizer
Who is your favorite news anchor/reporter? Why?
I don’t have one. I actually don’t watch the news at all. Too depressing. I do keep abreast by listening to the 5-minute updates on the radio.

Soup
Name 3 foods that are currently in your freezer.
pasta (we cooked some for supper last night and I always make extra to freeze), pumpkin (I buy fresh every week but if it starts going soft, then I chop it all up to freeze) and bread

Salad
If you were to have the opportunity to name a new town or city, what would you call it?
Hmm – something Irish. I love Irish names. Just busy with a Cathy Kelly now and the town is called Kinvarra – verrry nice!

Main Course
What will most likely be the next book you read?
Well, I have to finish the Cathy Kelly (Just Between Us) and then finish 1000 quick and easy organizing secrets. I like reading lots of books at once.

Dessert
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite gender?
Well, I look at their hands to see if they’re married or not! I like a man to have nice hands with clean nails. Then eyes after that – I can spot a shyster a mile off LOL


BTW, it has happened sooner than I thought. Today our colleague said to me, “we need to organize something for her soon”. So I have to deal with that on Monday. Something to look forward to.

In other baby news, my one friend emailed me today to say she's been told she has premature ovarian failure. Whatever that means - I know it's bad - I still have to google it.


Go here for more Friday's feasts

Annoyed

Now this is the thing that annoyed me so much last week.

First, some background…

My 30-year-old cousin died on 6 March because of a stomach ulcer gone wrong. While it was terrible, it did make me realize that I need to stop focusing so much on my weight, and just be grateful that I’m healthy and everything works perfectly. Except for the reproductive parts, that is.

A friend and I were emailing back and forth about her weight. She is convinced that she has a medical condition because she’s not losing weight. We’ve been over it all before and I don’t have patience anymore. I have told her that all those lattes and cappucinnos and milkshakes were adding the calories. It’s not just the food she eats. Anyway, I’m ranting…

I then told her that my cousin died last week. And exactly what I said above in the first paragraph – grateful….everything works….except for the infertility. So she goes YOU ARE NOT INFERTILE (like that, in caps). DON’T YOU BELIEVE IN GOD ANYMORE? YOU MUST BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL GET PREGNANT and so on, and so on.

So I said, please don’t shout…I can’t hear you when you scream. And I just said *sigh* this is why I can’t talk to Christians. You just don’t understand.

To which she took offence. But explained that caps lock was on, she was working in Excel, etc. Fine whatever, but it’s one key to press.

The thing is she doesn’t understand. She had her four kids at aged 20, 22, 24 and 26 – all of them were unplanned, pleasant surprises. They are super fertile.

After I explained that I do believe in God… blah blah blah… she asked for forgiveness because she didn’t want me to be cross. And up to this point, I really wasn’t angry. Sad, disappointed, but not angry. Yet.

Then she said, this is just who I am. I am straightforward and I thought you could take straight talk. Then I got angry.

Because in my opinion, that is just an excuse to be rude. I am also straightforward but the last time I looked in my Bible it does say to speak the truth in love. And I feel that as a friend she should be able at least empathise with where I’m at, and not try to be right. Even if I’ve never been through something, I always try to put myself in the other person’s shoes.

So that’s why I got angry.

Seeing as I'm on a blogging roll, I'll have to blog my take on the Christian thing too!

I'm cold and heartless

Then as I’m catching up with my blog reading, I found out that Tertia’s pregnant. Tertia is the one who had twins after 9 IVFs. Now here is the part that is still confusing to me. Intellectually I was happy for her because all baby news is good news, right? And yet. A big part of me felt nothing – or maybe a tiny bit of jealousy. I honestly can’t explain it.

I copied the link (she didn’t give away anything in the subject line) and sent it to my other trying-to-get-pregnant friend and all I said was “read this”. Then later, I tried to explain how I felt about it – huge shock, slight happiness for her, mainly disbelief. I think my heart is hardening and I’m becoming a cold, cynical person. And this is not me. So it scares me.

I think it was because if this woman, having been through 9 IVFs with all her medical history, could fall pregnant just by having sex, then I must be doing something wrong. I don’t have half the problems and we can’t even get that right.

I am also becoming judgmental which is also not me. I find myself thinking that others don’t deserve babies, or why do other people feel like they have the right to complain about not getting pregnant after just a month or two?! I used to regularly read a blog and this lady announced that they were going to start trying. After two months, she said that she had no more patience so they bought the ovulation kits to time things better. And the next month she was pregnant. So I stopped reading her blog. Silly? Yes, of course it is.

Today I learnt that Tertia went for a scan today and there was no heartbeat - the baby’s dead. It’s so terrible but at the time, again nothing. Absolutely nothing but a tiny bit of sadness. She just blogged one line. And I saw the 100 comments and thought, “at least there are other normal people to support her”. It’s only now that I’m typing this that I’m crying a little. This is why I blog – to get the stuff swirling around in my head out somewhere so I don’t go crazy. I also can’t explain things very well when I try to talk about very emotional things. But I find I can make sense of my feelings better when I write/ type them.

I used to be known for being a thoughtful, caring type of person. So this weekend in church I prayed to God that He softens my heart again.

I want to be me again.

Baby boys and baby showers

baby boys
Let me tell you about A. I work with her and when I first found out she was pregnant, I was all happiness and sunshine and we got talking. She then told me that even though she’s only 25, they’ve been battling to fall pregnant for 3 years. They went to the same infertility doctor I / we saw in November. And like us, they also told them that anything other than IVF was useless to try. Nevertheless, they decided to do AI and they were pregnant, first time around. Happiness!

Her pregnancy progressed beautifully and except for the fact that she continued smoking, she was looking after herself very nicely.

Well, she was due in June sometime, after the Ungrateful Pregnant One (early May) and my sister (late May). So imagine my shock/ horror when I heard from UPO that A had the baby. This is at something like 26/ 28 weeks. Nobody knows why her waters suddenly broke.

A and her baby boy are both fine, despite the fact that he only weighed 800g! I was so scared for her, imagining all the worst things, but he was moved out of NICU after a day or two.


baby showers
Speaking about UPO…

She'll be going off on maternity leave during the last week of April – that’s about 5 weeks left. Now as you all know, it is customary to throw a baby shower for one’s colleagues.

I’ve mentioned before that if there’s anything vaguely non work-related that has to be organised at work, like someone leaving, getting married, having a birthday, etc, I’m usually the one organising a card, present, party. But I can’t do it this time. Not only that – I don’t think I will be up to even going. Sitting in a room with 30 women all cooing over a baby is going to be torture! Even now, I’m fine talking with her one-on-one but not in a group - I then have to leave. And I have seen recently that she’s become more tactful about baby things. Prayer does work!

And strangely enough, I know she’ll understand. I have to protect myself so up the boundaries come. It’s the rest of them that won’t understand. People think you’re just being weird when you don’t want to participate in the “rites of passage”. What rubbish!

The other day another team member suggested that the three of us go to a maternity shop to help UPO buy some maternity clothes. Before I knew it, out of my mouth popped, “I can’t think of anything I’d rather not do!” I tried to cover up with a joke but it didn’t quite work. Oh well. They pay me to work, not for all this other rubbish…

Anyway! Any suggestions for dealing with this baby shower thing?

Friday's feast #2 - 16 March 2007

(sorry about all the memes - I'm working on an infertility post because someone really upset me this week but I have to calm down before I post LOL)

Appetizer
Name two things that made you smile this week.
This post and this one made me laugh out loud. And so did this one.

Soup
Fill in the blank: Don't you hate it when ________?
you see the perfect shoe and it’s not in your size

Salad
When you can't go to sleep, what is your personal remedy to help yourself drift into Lullabyland?
I don’t have any remedy. I sleep like a baby. In fact, a bomb could go off at my house and I’d probably sleep through it. Honestly.

Main Course
What is something about which you've always wondered but have not yet found a good answer?
Can’t think of anything. I’m not the wondering type. I’m very practical ESTJ. Or if I wonder, I get straight onto the internet and find an answer.

Oh wait, there is something. I wonder often if we would have had all these problems trying to have a baby if we’d started trying earlier (before I turned 30, that is).

Dessert
What is your favorite pasta dish?
Fettucine Alfredo. Without a doubt.

Go here for more feasts

Fashion Meme From A to Z

I found this over at Fashion Meme From A to Z

A: What accessories do you wear everyday?
One of my many watches, my wedding ring on my left hand, a silver ring on my right hand, pearl earrings and my handbag.

B: What is your beauty routine?
In the morning, wash face, moisturise, and then the amount of make0-up depends on how late I am. Usually, eye-liner and lipstick and some face powder. Sometimes I bother with eye shadow.

C: What was the last item of clothing (for yourself) that you purchased?
Two weeks ago I bought a white T-shirt which I still haven’t worn. This was to replace my old one. I sprayed the underarms with stain remover as I do for all my clothes, especially when it’s as hot here as it has been this summer. Well, something reacted because the deodorant stain turned purple. That’s right, purple on a white T-shirt. Anyway, moving along…

D: Do you use a dresser, closet, or both?
Both.

E: What type of earrings are in your ears right now?
Pearl studs. I’m really boring with earrings. My husband bought me my first pair about 5 years ago together with a pearl ring (very dainty and feminine – suited my small, thin hands beautifully) and I loved them.

Then one day I decided to change jewellery and that was the day we were burgled! I was devastated. Honestly. You don’t know how I loved those pearls. So we replaced the earrings because they’re quite easy to find. They’re studs after all. But the ring? I haven’t seen anything like it since, at the same store or at any other jewellery store since. Now you know why these ones NEVER leave my ears.

F: What type of figure do you have?
Well... I am within my normal body weight although I would prefer to lose another 3kg. MissusSmartyPants says I’ve Cute Curves (hip measurement bigger than shoulders). I bought this profile thing a few weeks ago and it is excellent. Because I’m chicken, I only bought one season for now. Go have a look – it’s a nice site.

G: Do you wear glasses?
Yes. Used to wear contacts for about 2 years and then I’d had enough. I have very sensitive eyes and had to get up 30 mins early just to put those things in. So that was that. Sleep is far more important.

H: What type of handbag do you carry?
Big ones. No, just joking. I like nice handbags that are functional (lots of pockets to organise your stuff). I change them out to go with my outfit. The red one in this post is my current favourite.

I: What is your ideal style?
Casual – jeans and slops kinda gal.
Although for work I like suits – it makes me feel more like working and being productive. And some days, I need all the help I can get.

J: What jewelry are you wearing right now?
Same as in A above

K: Do you wear knee-hi stockings?
Yes, I do. With pants.

L: Do you *have* to wear matching lingerie?
Um. No.

M: Do you wear makeup, and if so, what products do you use?
Not really. Usually Olay. Anything with anti-shine!!!

N: Do you wear nightgowns?
Nope. I'm a pyjama girl.

O: What outerwear do you put on when going out on a typical winter day?
A coat, boots and gloves. Sometimes a cap.

P: What is your favorite perfume?
I don’t wear any. I have allergic rhinitis which means I sneeze at any weird smells.

Q: Is your motto "quality over quantity" when it comes to clothing and accessories?
That certainly is the aim with most of my clothes, just not with my obsessions.

R: Do you wear rain boots?
Never.

S: Do you wear socks or slippers when your feet get cold?
Yes, yes, yes. I usually do have cold feet so I live in socks when it’s winter.

T: Do you have a set of travel luggage?
Yes. And I can’t wait to use it again. We’re now planning a short 5-day trip to Cape Town for our anniversary next month.

U: What is your daily uniform?
Smart work clothes during the week.
On weekends, jeans and T-shirt. Always nice T-shirts. I declutter anything old and ugly with vigour and enthusiasm.
In winter, long-sleeved T-shirts, jerseys, jeans, cords, etc.

V: If you are married, did you wear a veil with your wedding dress? If not, how did you do your hair?
Yes I wore a veil.

W: Do you wear a watch?
Always. I’m sure I was born with it. LOL

X: What item of clothing always makes you feel eXtremely beautiful?
A knee-length skirt or dress. I have good legs from all those years of ballet. In fact, when I’m having my period and generally feeling fat and ugly, I make a point of wearing a skirt so that I know something looks good!

Y: What is your favorite type of yarn?
Yarn????

Z: Do you prefer zippers or buttons?
Zips.

Now I'm tagging Becky and whoever else wants to play along. Let me know in the comments if you do this.

Thanks.

Bloggity fun

You can get this at www.snapshirts.com

Friday's feast #1 - 9 March 2007

Hi all

This is my first Friday's feast! For more feasters, go here.

Appetizer
What is your usual bedtime? Do you like that, or would you rather it be different?
My usual bedtime is around 12! I would like it to be earlier but I am realizing that I am a night owl no matter what time I have to get up in the morning.

Soup
When it comes to advice, do you give more or receive more?
I give more. Definitely. That’s why I coach LOL although coaching isn’t advice, I obviously do guide and direct people.

Salad
Describe a memorable meal you've had.
Hmmm – Thailand… Almost all of the meals there were memorable. Delicious memorable – fresh ingredients, healthy food not cooked by me and utterly tasty with new ingredients.

Main Course
Name a work of fiction that affected the way you think about something.
A painted house – John Grisham.
I loved this book because it was from the viewpoint of a child. It totally transported me back in time and got me thinking from other perspectives. (I usually read chick lit and other stuff from an adult’s point of view)

Dessert
What is your favorite type of fruit juice?
Guava! Shortly after we started trying to have a baby, I suddenly had a craving for guava juice (I was never much of a fan before so thought I’m definitely pregnant). And I wasn’t. But ever since then, I have been hooked on guava juice.

in the wars

Gee whiz. I haven't been feeling very well lately. And this is very weird for me - to be unwell for 3 weekends in a row.

Friday 16th Feb
Woke up with severe stomach cramps. I thought it was because I was hungry so had breakfast as normal and waited for the cramping to stop.

It didn't. So I phoned the onsite nurse and she said to come straight away. I said I would the minute I could walk because at this point I was hunched over my desk - I couldn't even straighten up. Well, I got the security guys to drive me to the other building in the little golf carts they use (that part was cool).

She did a urine test and prodded me quite a bit (very sore) before pronouncing me well. She said there was nothing wrong but wind. Wind! And I was sent off with some antacid stuff which I started taking immediately.

By the next morning around 11am I was all better. (No sign of this since - thank God)


Friday 23rd
Periods. Lots of Nurofen. Need I say more?

I have been having 8-day periods the last 3 - 4 cycles. Before that they were about 6 days long. Ridiculous! For the first 2 - 3 days, there's virtually nothing, and then the cramps and bleeding start in ernest. That carries on for about 3 days and then the last couple of days are very similiar to the first ones - not much pain, bleeding, etc.

During the middle days, I bleed copiously. And I have to have 2 Nurofen strictly every 4 - 6 hours. Sometimes I take more than is allowed because I just can't cope. At this point I don't care if I have other side effects - I just want the pain to stop. The pain is worse on my left side and is so bad that my left leg goes numb right down to mid-thigh. Isn't it fun being a girl!

So last Friday, I sat there at work, leg going more and more numb until I couldn't take it any more. And went home to veg in front of the TV/ in bed with my hotwater bottle and Nurofen as my cherished companions.

That was weekend 2.

Thursday 1 March
Our office is ice-cold inside and since I'm in the southern hemisphere, it is summer and blazing hot outside. These inconsistent temperatures are not good and as a result, I started having the sniffles on Wed. Thursday it was really bad - red nose and tearing eyes having joined the party.

A couple of Degoran and I was right as rain on Friday as far as that was concerned BUT guess what took the place?

Sharp, stabbing pains on my left woke me on Friday morning. Like period pains. Except my periods have been over for about 4 days. So I waited it out as long as I could (at this point on the endometriosis journey, my pain threshold is quite high) and at 6pm I took a Nurofen. Worked like a dream after the inevitable 90-minute delay.

Did the same on Saturday and again today...

Anybody have any idea what it could be? If this continues, I'll have to go to the gynae.

What kind of handbag are you?

I picked this one up on another blog and couldn't resist! You know how much I love handbags.

You Are a Classic Gucci Bag

You've got style mastered - because you stick with what works Like this Gucci Bag, you prefer classic items that stand the test of time You're also a bit of a practical girl, who prefers function over fluff You prefer a big bag, so that you can have your stuff with you at all times

What Handbag Are You?

Thursday Thirteen #12 - 13 things I can’t live without

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1. Alone time
Today has been meeting after boring meeting and I’m exhausted. Why? Because I haven’t had time to myself.


2. Nurofen
I absolutely depend on these things, for 2 days every 25 – 26 days…enough said


3. Water
I drink at least 2L every day and it is definitely my drink of choice


4. My car
I sometimes think back on the time in my life when I used to take public transport to work. I don’t know how I ever waited around for buses because I’m way too impatient now.


5. my computer
Many a happy hour has been spent blogging, reading blogs, developing course content, writing, etc, etc.


6. the internet, blogging, etc.
You know what it’s like – addictive!


7. Google reader
Since I discovered this two weeks ago, I can’t believe how much time I’ve saved


8. My memory stick
What did we do before memory sticks? I can take stuff from home, bring them to work to work on, take them back home without leaving multiple copies on both computers and having to save carefully in case I use the wrong document.


9. My lipstick
I can do without any other make-up but not my lipstick!


10. Books
I am absolutely no fun if I don’t have books around. I read fiction, non-fiction, ebooks, real books, anything. Something you didn’t know about me – I’m a bit weird and I set a monthly reading goal (7 – 5 fiction and 2 non-fiction).


11. Organising time
When I’m overwhelmed or a bit stressed, I find that organising a drawer or area in my home (or on computer) calms me down. I think it’s because I can restore some order to at least some part of my life.


12. My husband
He is my rock, my anchor in any storm, my support, my confidante, my best friend and the father of future babies!


13. God
Without whom I would be a wreck, probably been involved in many car accidents due to my fast driving, and definitely would have no peace.

Recent happenings

Some weird/ funny things have happened lately:

Driving
The other day I was driving to the gym and as I was approaching the 4-way stop, I noticed a male driver at the approaching stop street directing the traffic.

Now people in this city never know who goes first because nobody concentrates and I have always wanted to do it but you’ll admit that it is a bit bossy. But here’s this guy saying “you go, and then you go", and so on, until it was his turn.

I burst out laughing because I love it when I see other weirdos out there.


Jobs 1
One of my corporate clients sent an email to me and some other people telling us about a job (really good one) and asking us if we knew of anyone who fitted the bill.

My take on this is that she wanted to ask us to apply but didn’t want to be seen as “stealing us” from our current companies.

So I thought about it for a day and then emailed to tell her that I’d like to apply. I updated my CV and sent it in. Now, not to brag or anything, but I have a really good CV – one which always invites at least a spark of interest. I also have my photo on there which I think is good marketing for me. (Of course, if I looked like you, Becky, I’d definitely get invited to interview straight away. LOL )

No news yet since Monday when I sent it but that’s fine. I actually feel quite honoured that she was so excited to get my CV.


Jobs 2
Then in other news, I get the weirdest voice mail on my phone today. Someone from a recruitment agency…however I’ve never dealt with them before…they have the perfect position for me.

Curiosity more than anything else made me phone him back.

It’s an admin management position, the likes of which I am really good at. The upper level their client gave him is below what I’m currently earning and I’m not moving unless it’s a REALLY good offer because we’re also on incentive bonuses here and I got a really good bonus last year, so I’m not about to be flighty just yet.

But still, nice to know that I’m wanted.

How I know I'm not 16 anymore

Tonight I went to my hip-hop dance class and I was in the zone! It happens so rarely but is so beautiful.

I was moving, shaking - it was almost like a real performance for me when I go all out! Or it's my type A personality coming through again.

Nevertheless it was a stunning class and I was on top of the world with all those good hormones flooding through my body.

However, after I got home, I had my shower and sat with my laptop in front of the TV, doing some work.

When I got up, I was sooo sore. That's when I realised I'm not 16 anymore.

Thursday Thirteen #11 - personal blogs I love reading...and why

Go here for other TT participants.

Thursday Thirteen – personal blogs I love reading

I browsed on over to those Share the Love awards earlier this week. While I’m not into all these bloggy popularity contests, I did feel bad that I didn’t wake-up quickly enough to nominate some of my favourite blogs, hence this post. (Did I just say hence? Slap me, someone)

Sweatpantsmom
Sweatpantsmom is one of the coolest moms around. To me, she appears to have it all together. She’s secure enough in her own skin to be exactly who she is and that impresses me to no end. What a great example to her two daughters! She’s funny and nice and a great writer and a great mom, and she loves coffee. Someone after my own heart!


Becky’s blog
I love Becky’s personality and of course, her cute daughter too. Becky is the type of person I’d be friends with in real life. She cares about people so much, loves her family and is an all-round stunning person! She also loves taking tons of photos – nothing wrong with that when you’re as beautiful as she is!


The simple life which I think has now moved to Mindi Bartell Photography
Mindi has the three cutest kids in the world – her youngest was just born in Dec, I think. She is a wonderful mom. You can see by the way she tells stories of her kids that she’s a fun mom and of course, a hugely talented photographer. I would love for her to take pictures of me because I’m sure then they would actually look decent! LOL


Antique Mommy
This is my new favourite blog. I love her writing so much and she is LOL funny. I picked her up from the Org Junkie’s blogroll so I’m a new reader but I haven’t read anything I don’t like. Now, due to the weird person I am, I’m busy trawling through her archives. Her story of why she is an antique mommy made me think so much – if anyone is trying to have a baby, go and read it under The Best of Antique Mommy. And remember lines in the sand, okay?


So close
This is Tertia’s infertility blog. I picked it up from a newsletter that I got sent and the other day when I read it, I see that she is the 3rd most popular South African website. Wow!!! I was hooked on this blog for weeks on end as I went through her archives where she speaks so honestly about infertility. An inspiration as the twins she now has is the result of her…wait for this…9th IVF treatment.


Mom-101
She is one of the first blogs I started reading because she writes so darn well. I must admit I don’t check on her feeds first these days because it sometimes feels like there’s too much social commentary. And I read blogs to relax, to be quite honest. She has a gorgeous daughter (and is pregnant with number 2) and if you don’t know her, go read her post Born Smiling, an ode to her daughter, and I still think one of the best things I have read in a blog post.


Metrodad
I discovered Metrodad from Mom-101’s blogroll and I haven’t looked back. He is SOOOO funny and that daughter of his is just too precious. I love the way he is besotted with his wife and daughter. It’s also so nice to read about New York City, one of my favourite cities in the world. I am addicted to all things New York – there’s something else you didn’t know about me.


Bohemian Girl
I picked up this blog from Superhero journal. And obviously since we both want to have babies, I love reading her blog because it so often echoes exactly what I’m feeling but sometimes can’t find the words for. She’s hugely artistic (and I’m SO not!) which is very very interesting to me but obviously worlds apart. I mean, for goodness sake, I studied science!


Austin to Africa, Brasil to the Bay
Ali is an American now living in Mozambique. Her take on things African is fascinating – some days they don’t have water, then the next they’re living it up eating gorgeous food in a swanky seafood restaurant. I love the way she describes all her experiences of Africa. She is a writer and also a jewellery designer and is another blogger who loves taking pictures.


I’m an organizing junkie
Okay, now here’s a kindred spirit. She is so funny in the way she celebrates her uniqueness. She loves organizing and has lots of really good ideas which she shares so freely with others. I think she was nominated for Inspiring blog in those blog award thingies. Go on over and be prepared for those educational organizing pictures. Oh, she also hosts Menu Plan Monday.


Rocks in my dryer
This is the home of Works for me Wednesday. Wow – if you’ve never been there before, you will spend hours going through all of the great tips the participants leave every week. I see that Shannon also won stacks of those Share the Love things last year so looks like I’m late to the party as usual. I found this blog through the Org Junkie too (she’s got lots of good blogs on her blogroll)


Blah Blah Blog
I think I found Carrie’s blog through some scrapbooking blogs when I was surfing one day. And the reason I keep coming back is because her life seems so idyllic and perfect – 3 perfect kids, a beautiful home, nice husband, suburbia, nice neighbours, etc. For me, it is like something out of the movies (in a good way). She is into organizing, cooking and photography too so always has some good ideas on her blog.


Suburban Turmoil
Lindsay is a journalist in Nashville. Another pregnant blogger at the moment. I must confess that I read this one for humour and a bit of controversy. She writes some provocative posts but the comments are what you really must read!

And that’s all for now, folks. Hope you enjoyed this stroll though blogland with me.

Clumsiness

The strangest thing happens to me sometimes. I have a day or two of clumsiness where I am almost dangerous in the kitchen.

The last time this happened was last week. I somehow misjudged, thought there was enough space on the counter and put this white mug down. It totally missed and this is what happened.

Then the next day at work, I misjudged distances again and one of my work mugs slipped out of my hand and broke beautifully (all over the floor in millions of little pieces).

That night I was cooking and the garlic & chilli mix slipped from my hands again and landed up all over the kitchen floor.

I read once that it happens because of our hormones. Apparently it's to do with our spatial awareness at this time. I don't know much further than that, but since then I have noticed that I'm usually having my period when I go into clumsy mode. Then again, I'm not very good spatially at the best of times :)

Sometimes I'll cut my finger while chopping onions, burn myself when taking things out of the oven or spill coffee, sugar, etc. The good thing is sooner or later, I figure it out and call for my husband to help because then he knows that me being in the kitchen is just a bad idea all round.

Is this weirdness just me, or does it happen to anybody else?

My name is Leigh and I’m a type A

I’m annoyed. My salsa dance teacher is still away. We know that she got married and she is apparently still on honeymoon.

So in her place is a belly dance class. I went for two weeks and that was about all I could stand. Belly dancing is too boring for me. I’m the type of gal who needs lots of action and stuff going on in any exercise class.

This is also why yoga and pilates just don’t do it for me. I went to one yoga and one pilates class in my life and both times I nearly fell asleep – it was so boring.

I read recently on a blog (I think it was petroville) about Type A exercises. And my word, I think that’s me. Some of the characteristics I remember are..
1. Likes to be in the front in class
2. Gets annoyed when someone takes “your place”
3. Are competitive in class!


This is all me!

Anyway, this is messing up my health and fitness plans!!! My goal this year is to increase my exercise from 2 to 3 hours a week. So the sooner the salsa dance teacher gets back the better.

Thursday Thirteen #10 - Random thoughts on blogging

For other TT participants, have a look at www.thursdaythirteen.com


1. You can make friends from all over the world.
2. it is amazing to me that not everybody “gets” blogging, like my husband, friends, etc.
3. Comments = love. Although I read somewhere (probably on a blog) that only about 10% of people reading actually comment.
4. It’s like a HUGE reality TV show as you look in on other people’s lives
5. I didn’t know there are popularity contests in the blogging world too.
6. You will never have enough time to read all the blogs you want.
7. Not everybody plays nicely. Some people seem to think they can be rude to you on your own blog. This is so weird to me. If you don’t like what you read, you can disagree respectfully and move on.
8. When you start thinking about things like “I must blog this” or “this will be perfect for the blog” you’re getting addicted. Trust me, I know.
9. I have a weird thing – when I find a new blog I like, I feel compelled to go back and read all the archives.
10. Some bloggers could just print out their entire blogs and publish them. They’re that good. Like Sweatpantsmom. If you don’t already read her, then go over and go read all her archives!
11. I’ve come to realize that as with everything else in life, I have to prioritise my blogging.
12. I didn’t realize that I’d learn so many things from reading blogs – from infertility to recipes to how to be a nice friend.
13. And the photos? Don’t get me started. I specifically take photos now with the sole intention of blogging them.

I need to update everybody on what's been going on...not much... but that's another post!

The results are in

On Friday last week, D went for a sperm test to see whether anything had changed.

This is, of course, after the first two sperm tests where test 1 said the count and motility were fine, test 2 said only the motility was fine and so you can see why I wanted another test.

The doctor said that if the count and motility was fine this time, then we could try AI.

Anyway, I get a voicemail on my phone yesterday from the nurse to say the results are in and can we please phone her. And oh, by the way, she loves my voicemail. (I have something like this at the end - "and remember, small changes, compounded over time, produce huge results. So take action today")

We didn't phone her (he can't talk from work and I was HECTICALLY busy - I mean, 8 meetings in 1 day is just crazy AND THEN I had a coaching appointment after work, so I was finished!) so she phoned us at home this morning.

Okay, I'll put you out of your suspense. The results are better than test 2 but not good enough so looks like we have to go for IVF if we're going to go that route.

I was remarkably calm when D told me. Or maybe it hadn't fully hit me yet.

So this weekend we have serious discussions!

I am so sore!

okay, so I'm less than 3 kg away from goal weight. It's so close I can almost feel it.

So I decided to do what I can to get me there quicker (ideally by 1 March since that's when I started Weigh-Less).

I eat very well (lots of veggies and fruit, water, the whole shebang) and that doesn't really change all that much for me from week to week. Of course 5 - 10% of the time I do snack, have the odd bit of cake, and so on!

Anyway, I had this bright idea to add some weights to my normal routine just to accelerate the metabolism.

The idea is to do an extra 10 minutes, 6 days a week, totally doable.

I think I managed 3 sessions last week. It seemed to be working because I noticed about a 0.4kg drop in weight.

So I thought if I go to a Body Conditioning/ Toning class where they do use weights, I can get it all done in one go! Yippee! (I really don't enjoy getting all hot and sweaty). And if I feel like doing the 10-minute sessions 3 times on top of that, I'll be just fine.

So today I went. And I am dead on my feet. I could barely move my legs down the stairs after that Low and Tone class.

And I don't even want to think about how sore I'll be tomorrow.

But I feel great and that scale better agree with me this week.

Thursday Thirteen #9 - some of my passions/ obsessions

I used to think that my passions/ obsessions were normal until I found out that not many people have the same excitement about these things.

1. Handbags – this is a severe sickness. I admit it and that’s that. But people, I hear them calling out to me “buy me, buy me”

My latest buy

2. Wallets – this has to a certain degree stopped since I found my most recent one in October. I love, love. Love it and everywhere I go, people comment on my gorgeous wallet.

3. Watches – bad one. We had a burglary about 18 months ago and all 13 were stolen except the one I was wearing to work (obviously LOL). I since started again and I have about 8 to 10. Too scared to start counting…

4. Slops – this is a new one. A certain local department store just kept bringing out such comfortable and lovely slops and I kept buying and buying. Bad, I know.

5. Mugs – I’m getting better with this one too. Now I buy to give away. Lots of my friends get 4 – 6 mugs for gifts. I can’t resist buying pretty ones!

6. Notebooks – I was really into spiral-bound ones until I discovered some new ones with the satin bookmark inside and an envelope at the back to hold loose papers. They came in pink, lilac and mint-green so I bought a couple of each. Still on my pink one at the moment. And they’re so cute – small enough to keep in your handbag.

7. Pens – ooh, gel pens, normal pens, they’re all delicious. Only prerequisite is they must be medium point.

8. Diaries/ planners – I buy about 2 to 3 every year while I’m deciding which one I like best. Then I give the others away as Christmas gifts.

9. To-do lists and other organizing tools – I am a total sucker for good forms. I make my own too and I recently packaged my household forms into a downloadable file for sale on my web. Contact me if you want to buy it.

10. Bookmarks – the good thing here is that I go through them regularly. And this is another thing – if I see a nice one, I’ll buy it and give it to someone when I buy them a book as a gift.

11. Books – enough said. I had to clean out my bookshelf and get rid of about two bags to make space for those acquired over December!

12. Cleaning products, especially new ones on the market. My husband says I’m a marketer’s dream because I’ll try anything once.

13. Keyrings – I have such a big collection that I have two on each of my house and car sets, and I now use them on the handbag zips too.

And those are some of my passions. Am I weird?

What are yours?

P.S. My toolbar is missing so I can't post pictures of my wallet or cute notebook. Anybody know how to fix it?

Update - looks like the toolbar only disappears at work. I'm going to try clearing my browser there. But as you can see the pictures are up.

How to get your boss to respond to your emails

Send him an email and tell him the legal guy who does all your work has resigned.

A response just a few seconds later is guaranteed – trust me!


It is going to get interesting around here after the end of the month. My company takes their own sweet time to re-employ and it took us 3 months before they hired him last time around.




And in other work news, I clicked onto a blog yesterday and what do I see?

Huge security warnings.

We now have quotas on reading anything in the category “newsgroups/ blogs”.

I suppose I should be grateful that I still get limited access (30 minutes a day). But it’s annoying – everytime you get a message saying x minutes used, so many remaining.

However I don’t want to push the envelope as I’ve had two security warnings already, one for too many hits in the day and the other for sending out a big mail attachment to lots of friends :o

So what does that mean? I’m too scared to read all your blogs in case I get busted. So it’ll have to be a quick squiz around once I’ve done my own blogging.

I have dial-up at home so it literally takes me hours to do anything. I need to get fast access!!!

On the bright side, I'm really doing exceptionally well at work now as I have no choice but to actually work : o )

Thursday Thirteen # 8 - work to do on my business

Thursday Thirteen #7 Business stuff I need to do


1. Figure out Bloglines so I don't spend so much time looking through my favourites seeing which blogs are updated

2. Get professional headshots done

3. Start submitting all my articles to article directories

4. RSS feeder – what the *&^* is this anyway?!

5. Update my customer list – remember the computer problems I had? Well, the virus wiped out my customer file and the last time I did a total back-up was 1 March last year!

6. Email all my clients and offer them my new goals programme

7. SEO – rewrite a lot of my site and put in major keywords

8. Google adsense – another thing I need to sort out on my blog

9. Write a "why I am perfect to speak at your organisation" marketing brochure and load the pdf to my site

10. Contact the radio station that interviewed me last year to see if they'll consider a weekly "ask the organiser" segment.

11. Go through all posts on my three business blogs and make tags/ labels on all posts to make searching easy. Now that I've converted to Beta Blogger.

12. Investigate hiring a virtual assistant (web person) or maybe swop coaching for web services with someone to do the fancy stuff I want to do on my site

13. Check http://www.surveymonkey.com/ for results of my latest survey


Oh my word, now I feel excited but a bit overwhelmed too!!!!!

ungrateful pregnant people - UPDATED

I work with someone who is currently 5 months pregnant.

She moans continually. And I mean continually. Every single word out of her mouth the whole day is complaining about various things about the pregnancy. I've taken to putting my music on the minute she walks in. I don't think I can take it anymore!

It wouldn't be so bad if she was a normal fertile person, but she battled for 4 years to fall pregnant, had a miscarriage in 2005 and then got it right last year. You'd think she'd be grateful, right? Wrong!

Sadly, her sensitivity is severely lacking.

And worse? She knows that I am battling to conceive. She used to keep coming to tell me every little thing about the pregnancy before but thank goodness, she's now reading my body language and staying away. One of my things to do this year was to have a talk with her if she didn't stop.

now, I might have to have the talk about her complaining.

Updated
Well, I had the talk with her on Friday afternoon. I can't remember exactly what I said but it was something along the lines of, "you know, you should be grateful that you're pregnant at all". God's given you a huge gift.

She paused a bit and then said, "you're right. I actually am very grateful".

And that was that, people. I have heard no complaining for 2 whole days! Wow.

ever get the feeling you're going nuts?

yesterday i requested a report from IT. They send me an email today saying i can find what I'm looking for on a specific place on the system. i battle the whole day to get into said system. Finally I get in, see that the information is not there in the way i want it so i phone them.

he tells me my request wasn't specific enough. really now? that's the way i always send them through. no, you don't. yes, I do. Oh and why aren't you copying me on your requests? I'm supposed to copy you? you know that and you always used to. no, i didn't.

oooh, it makes my blood boil when people talk down to me.

and when they act like they know it all. i am not losing my mind and i know full well i haven't been copying him but for the sake of peace (and wanting my report!), i just shut up!

i feel a lot better getting that all out. and not worrying about punctuation LOL

Thursday Thirteen # 7 - some of my goals for 2007

Did you set any goals for this year? Or resolutions? Or intentions? Or focus areas?

Here are 13 of my goals, in no particular order...

1. Grow closer to God this year. I have let the baby thing come between us and I actually miss being close to God, so this year I'm getting my act together.

2. Continue to have a harmonious, peaceful, loving relationship with my husband. We are both stubborn and want to be right, so that's why harmonious because sometimes we forget that we want to be happy and just focus on the being right part. LOL

3. Take a 4 - day cruise (at least - I wouldn't mind a longer one) to the Portuguese islands for New Year's next year.

4. Do at least 5 hours of quality work every day before blogging/ messing around with personal emails, etc. Am I alone here???

5. Get to my goal weigh - that means I have to lose another 3 kg. So close but so far...

6. Increase my exercise - I currently do two dance classes every week (hip hop and salsa) and I need to add a body conditioning/ toning type of class 'cos I don't want flabby arms...

7. Sign up at least 2 new coaching clients every month for a 3-month period, but overall the goal is to coach 50 clients this year (I understand that there will be those who just want a laser coaching session).

8. Get more media exposure by getting articles published online and in print magazines. Also, I'm not limiting God - TV and radio segments would also be good. A new client emailed to ask me if I'd been on a talk show and I said, "not yet, but that's one of my goals" LOL

9. Ministry-wise, I'd like to help at least 15 people to discover their passion and run at least one Consultants Course.

10. Meet up with at least 2 friends for a lunch or supper social on a monthly basis - whether girlfriends or couple friends.

11. Attend 4 networking events and 2 workshops for my own personal development.

12. Read 7 books every month. How am I going to do this? Read at least 10 non-fiction pages every day. On the weekends, I indulge in my beloved fiction totally for hours so that is not the problem...

13. And last but most definitely not least, I would love it if we could have a baby this year. So please pray with me, Internet!

Post some of your goals in the comments - I'm insanely curious!

Bad computer karma

Hi everybody

Happy New Year!!!!

My prayer for all of you is health, wealth and happiness this year. And, of course, a baby for me and for Boho!

I've had a nice blogging break. Totally unasked-for, by the way.

On Monday 18th Dec, I tried logging on and my computer logged right back off.

We took it in and it turns out there was a virus. And after MANY days, we got feedback that they were not able to recover any programmes but would be able to save all files. Not!

Well, we only got it back on the 29th!!!!! I immediately noticed that lots of pictures were missing. And my entire contacts in Outlook was missing and all the emails in the Inbox, Sent Items and individual folders.

Not too serious, I thought, because most of the pertinent information I have on my flash drive.

But here's when I know I have really bad karma (and I don't even believe in this stuff)...

An entire folder on my flash drive is missing. One day there, the next missing. It really is a mystery to me.

This folder had basically everything in it. You see, I do email maintenance about twice a year and as I sort out folders, I put them in a big one called Folders already sorted out (just to be nice and clear). And I was nearly done - thank God I'm a bit of a procrastinator because my Work to do and Website folders were not done yet, and are therefore still on the disc.

Yes, so the whole thing is gone. My customer contact details were in there, together with client coaching details and my Good ideas folder. Thank goodness I have a really good memory so I can remember lots of email addresses offhand.

So, guess who'll be working hard this week???


Sorry for the long, rambly nature of this post. I just had to get it out.

Thursday Thirteen # 6 - my favourite movies

Thirteen of my favourite movies

I'm the type of person who really enjoys happy movies as you'll see from the list below LOL. However, there are a few others on here that don't strictly fit the bill but I'll explain why they're on my list.


1. My best friend's wedding
I have seen this probably 3 times and every time I love it just the same. I laugh, I cry and when I need a pick-me-up, this one does it for me!

2. The holiday
We went to see this one last night and it was absolutely lovely from start to finish. I have been totally off Jude Law since Closer but he redeemed himself in this one. And those kids? Too cute!!!

3. Spanglish
This is another one of those lovely, lovely movies. I can't explain why I enjoyed it so – maybe it was the language issues but I loved it.

4. Crash
This movie really made me think and question things a lot. Obviously about racial issues. Now people, I'm in an interracial relationship myself so I really don't have issues at all. But still. Pulls on your emotions too. Stunning move – well deserving of its Oscar. In fact, this is the first movie EVER that I enjoyed that also won an Oscar. I don't quite know what that says about me but there you go!

5. Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason
I enjoyed this sequel far more than I enjoyed the original. I have this theory that if you read and enjoyed the book, don't bother seeing the movie. And this one blew my theory out of the water because I enjoyed the first movie and not so much the book. I don't know – maybe it was all the hype? But this one. Was Fabulous. We went to see it with friends and we all loved it.

6. Eye for an eye
Justice is one of my highest values. Now you know why I loved this. I really didn't mind her taking the law into her own hands because that ws how it should have worked out in the end. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

7. The school of rock
Okay, I'm a sucker for passion in any form and I LOVED LOVED LOVED Jack Black's passion for music in this one.

8. French Kiss
I adored Kevin Kline in this. And of course, I always enjoy Meg Ryan in romantic comedies. My favourite scene is the one in the aeroplane when they're taking off and he teases her about how she is in bed. LOL

9. Coach Carter
This was such an inspiring and motivating movie and I loved it completely and utterly. Enough said.

10. Runaway Jury
In my opinion, John Cusack is just the most gorgeous guy ever. I love that naughty boy/ boy next door look he has. Anyway, back to the movie – by the way, this one also throws my movie/ book theory out because I loved the book and I loved the movie. I thought all the actors were equally brilliant in this courtroom drama.

11. Stepmom
I cried buckets and buckets when I watched this. It is soooo sad. I also loved Susan Sarandon's character development from the jealous mom to accepting mom in the end. Beautiful.

12. Father of the bride
This was so sweet and so sad all at the same time. I thought of it again the other day when I read becky's letter to Hannah and how she said one day Hannah will get married and how crushed Matt will be. If you don't know what on earth I'm talking about, go read it yourself. And of course, I loved Frank, the wedding planner. Hilarious LOL

13. A time to kill
Another John Grisham that I loved. I love these fighting for the right thing type of movies – brings out the lion in me. Of course, Matthew McConaghey and Ashley Judd with those delicious Southern accents are so easy on the ear.

And that's my Thursday Thirteen.

What are some of your favourites?

Thursday Thirteen #5 - Celebrating love

I'm not a romantic person.

Red roses and chocolates just don't do it for me. I like bright yellow chrysanthemums.

But I do lurve love songs. So today, here are 13 of my favourites:


1. Wonderful tonight - Eric Clapton

2. Just the way you are - Billy Joel

3. Glory of love - Peter Cetera

4. Up where we belong - Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes

5. How deep is your love - Bee Gees

6. Have I told you lately - Rod Stewart

7. Against all odds - Phil Collins

8. Take my breath away - Berlin (not whatshername's version)

9. Making love out of nothing at all - Air Supply

10. Don't let the sun go down on me - George Michael and Elton John

11. Nobody does it better - Carly Simon

12. Total eclipse of the heart - Bonnie Tyler



and last but not least...

13. At last - Celine Dion


Thank you to all of you for your love and good wishes after my sadness yesterday! I had another good cry last night and felt much better. As you can see, I'm celebrating love today!

Suddenly

I am fine with this infertility thing about 90% of the time.

I get happy when people find out they're pregnant, and am also happy to see babies and children most of the time.

Then suddenly something will happen and the tears just burst out of me.

Like now. Went to the loo at work and on my way back to my cubicle, saw the lift open and a little boy of about 8 step out (schools have closed and we are very relaxed here so some people bring their kids in now and again).

Just looking at that cute little blonde head I just had a sudden, intense, deep, deep longing for one of my own.

And burst into tears!

These deep, primal urges are so scary, especially because I'm normally so together.

Food glorious food

As I mentioned before, I am on Weigh-Less.

At first it went really, really well and then sort of plateaued. After I returned from Thailand, I'd gained 1.3kg (miracle what with all the food I ate) and lost that in a week. Wonderful.

However, since then (a month ago), I have gained some more weight. I don't quite know what it is. Last week I had convinced myself yet again that I was pregnant (the weight gain together with the slight nausea which I since found out is due to my new preconceptual multivitamins).

So in an effort to get back to the good results from the first couple of months, I am going to have to be very strict and stay on the programme.

That means faithfully eating my low fat proteins every day, limiting my carbs to only the 5 portions, and staying off the chocolate totally.

Stirfried chicken, red kidney beans, basmati rice and vegetables
Ingredients

90g chicken strips
100 g red kidney beans
140g basmati rice
200g vegetables - pictured above are onions, mushrooms, carrots, broccoli and I think some pumpkin

Stirfry in only 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil, add lots of garlic & chilli and enjoy!

Serves 1
1 medium fat protein, 1 low fat protein, 2 complex carb portions and 2 portions veg

In the zone - updated!

I had the most wonderful hip-hop dance class tonight.

It also helped that last week was a complete shocker - teenagers messing around and laughing at the back of the class annoyed me to no end. The teacher is also a people pleaser who would not give them words! And I was not irritated enough to fight with people. Darn - hate it when that happens.

I was right on target - my moves in time to the music. Could remember things and actually add some style compared to the usual fumble around just to get the feet right and only "get it" in the last 10 minutes. This time I was in the zone right from the beginnning. Nice.

I have been feeling like I could take or leave this class the last couple of weeks. I am a dancer so I usually don't have problems with 2 left feet but it's this hip-hop thing.

The jerky arms, and legs that go the same way as arms instead of opposite arm to leg like with most dance styles I'm used to.

Then I start thinking maybe I'm too old for these new-fangled dances (and that word is a sign for sure that I'm getting too old for this rubbish).

Does this happen to anybody else?

Anyway, it was lovely to actually know what I'm doing again and most of all, to thoroughly enjoy it.

Updated to add
The exact same thing happened in my salsa dancing class on Wed. I was on!
I thought about it and it could also possibly be due to the fact that I'm only having half my supper before so that I don't feel as sluggish.

Thursday Thirteen #4 - my new car

About my new (2-month-old) car…good and bad in no particular order

1. As it is black, it gets dirty very quickly. My sister warned me about this beforehand.

2. I love that the seat lifts. I knew that when I first got it, but only figured it out about 10 days ago!

3. I like the feel of the indicator lever. I know this is weird but there is a little groove which I play with while driving - quite soothing in the traffic.

4. This car has a temperature gauge - quite a useful tool, if only to corroborate my feelings about how hot/ cold it is.

5. Central locking - love it, love it, love it. One click and everything is locked. Saves me so much time.

6. I love how when I remove the key from the ignition, the doors open automatically.

7. My old car didn't have a side pocket and this one does. Very useful to hold my water bottle. The water bottle in my profile picture is exactly why I chose that picture. I always have a water bottle (and an apple) with me.

8. Power steering. My word - what a difference it makes to parking! Just a flick of the wrist turns that whole car. Before, it was turn, turn and turn some more before the car would turn.

9. This is a neurotic car though. The petrol tank sign starts glowing when there is still 5L of petrol left. I can go to work and back 2 whole days on that. But wait! It then annoyingly starts blinking when it gets right down to the bottom. (My husband would say I shouldn't even know about the blinking light!)

10. And the hooter…is an excuse for a hooter. It is a pathetic little beep-beep.

11. Oh, and the joys of airconditioning. I am only now fully appreciating it as we're at the end of spring going into summer. And it's nice and powerful so I only need it on for a few minutes to last me about 10 minutes.

12. And I love how, when I approach the car and click the button to open the door, the light comes on inside the car. V useful at night so I can see the ignition.

13. And last but not least, it is extremely zippy. I can weave in and out of cars very easily with it. I even feel cooler in it. Now that's got to count for something, does't it?!

Here she is - beautiful!

My husband, the comic

We've been back and forth with 2 friends (married couple) on the email organising our next supper date. We all just reply to all so everyone can see what's going on.

Friend: what can we bring along??

Hubby: Um, roast beef, a lasagne, a salad, rolls, drinks, after-dinner mints. Leigh, have I left anything off? Placemats. No, maybe that's too much. :)

Me: D, you should start a blog!!!

Hubby: "Fullofbolony.blogspot"?

Me: (sent only to him) You can still make me laugh after all these years!

Hubby: Cool. You still make me... well, we'll discuss later

Thursday Thirteen # 3 - doctors and health

1. After I made the appointment with the infertility doctor, I decided to make my annual dental appointment.

2. My doctor is very popular and she's always booked up weeks in advance so I can only see her on the 7th Dec.

3. The minute the appointment was made my top left molars started seriously annoying me. It feels like my tooth is moving because food gets stuck there.

4. For the first time in my life, I can't WAIT to get to the dentist.

5. On a more interesting note, yesterday's visit to the infertility doc. We were early for once and had to fill in so many forms that we were actually on time!

6. First, before they even see you, they make you talk to a counsellor who put us through the 3rd degree but not in a bad way. They check for a history of depression and all sorts of things in case you crack through the emotional trauma.

7. Speaking of which, she made me cry!!! I think it's when she said that we have to get used to "maybe you're not meant to have children". She meant "naturally" but I just heard blah blah not meant to have children blah blah and that was me!

8. Then we went to see the doctor. Nice, gentle man (if a bit too quiet for me – I mean I was doing more talking than he was) who had to quickly do an aspiration (whatever that is) before he could see me.

9. He did an internal sonar (my first – I don't recommend it) which was fine although I have lots of fluid. He thinks it's blood from the endometriosis (gross, I know), but no big deal.

10. Then the fun started. Apparently we have a 2% chance of conceiving naturally because we have both male and female factor infertility. I was devastated by these shocking stats although today I told D that I've always been in that 2% in other areas of life like top of the class, so I will just have to be the 2% that conceives!!!

11. He suggested we go for IVF straight away with ICSI (where they inject the sperm into the egg) – a mere R25000. Hello! At our salaries it will take more than a year to save up R25000 for one treatment cycle!

12. I want D to get a new spermogram because I can't understand how the sperm count can go down from 94 million to 0.8 in 3 months. If the sperm count is okay after this new test, then we'll do AI first, a much more reasonable R1500 a shot. Otherwise, I really don't know.

13. After the meeting with the doctor, I had some blood taken (they are checking my hormone levels) and seeing as I was already invaded with foreign instruments, I had a PAP smear too.

And that's all for today. Amazingly, I am remarkably calm writing this now. Yesterday, I was a wreck. I looked terrible from all the crying!

So, for all you fertile people out there, remember to thank God everyday that you had an easy time falling pregnant. I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy!

Now I will go cook and bake up a storm – nothing like food to cheer you up!

our own little coffee shop

The other day we were out at the shops somewhere and D wanted to go for coffee.

I really didn't feel like being out anymore so I told him I'd make us "special" coffee at home.

This is the "special" coffee - in a cup just like at the coffee shop!



Now doesn't that look good?

Procrastination

Just this week, two things at work happened that reinforced once again why procrastination is so bad.


1. We instituted a procedure on one of my campaigns that made it necessary for us to set up a procedure document. The process person drafted it and sent it to me saying that she'd like my help making the language plain and simple for our call centre agents to understand.

I'm usually quite good at this type of thing so I don't know why I didn't just do it there and then. Nevertheless, I didn't and for a whole week this thing hung over my head. It was also not urgent just something that has to be done somewhere along the line.

My self-imposed deadline was 1 week so I told myself, come hell or highwater, by the end of Thursday I would give her an amended document.

Well, when I finally sat down to do it, it took me not even 10 minutes to proofread and edit that thing. And it was easy!

2. Buoyed up by my little mini-victory, I decided to tackle a report. This is another something that is not urgent but is a nice-to-have. Now there is nothing more boring to me than sitting and working with numbers. Funny because I'm good at it but I just don't enjoy it. Unless it's sales figures of course. That I love looking at. I think it's the goal-oriented side of me that enjoys the sales figures.

Again, I buckled down and started doing the report and it took me about 20 minutes, including drafting the email to all the powers-that-be.

Only 30 minutes work and yet I procrastinated a whole week!!!

I think next time I don't want to do something I should just remember Flylady and tell myself, I can do anything for 15 minutes!

Thursday Thirteen #2 - Favourite foods

1. Granny Smith apples – I just love that crisp, sour taste and anything with apples (apple pie, cake with apple, stewed apple and custard)
2. Hot wholewheat toast with fridge-cold chunky cottage cheese
3. Toasted cheese and tomato on wholewheat bread
4. Pancakes - my favourite filling is apricot jam with a squeeze of lemon juice.
5. Hot wholewheat toast with avocado, and again, salt and lots of pepper
6. Most curries but my favourite is my mother's chicken lentil curry
7. Fettucine alfredo
8. Thai mussamen curry
9. Almost any muffins
10. Chocolate cake – must be moist
11. Lemon meringue
12. Custard anything – real custard, custard-flavoured yoghurt, custard with hot pudding….
13. Cadbury's chocolate – nothing else, no Belgian, Swiss or anything else but Cadbury. It is "the best loved chocolate in the country"

Now I'm feeling hungry!

Thank goodness for quick-thinking people

I made my first appointment with an infertility specialist for next Wednesday!

(in open-plan office)


Me (whispered): Hi. I'd like to make an appointment with Doctor K.


Receptionist: Is this for your normal check-up or for infertility?


Me: Umm, the second one please


Receptionist: No problem, how about next Wed?


Me: Thanks so much!

Infertility, the disease

Infertility is the most serious disease I've ever had. In fact, it's the only one!

Aside from this, I am quite a healthy person. I exercise, drink lots of water (by choice - water is my favourite drink. Yes, I know I'm a weirdo) and eat healthily except for the 3 days before my period, when I become a raving chocaholic. I've been told this is a lack of magnesium.

Funny how every month I convince myself I'm pregnant so I don't even notice the chocolate binge.

Like today. I woke up, went to the loo and there it was. The Period. Then it all starts falling into place.

Tender breasts = premenstrual, not pregnant

200g chocolate in 3 days = premenstrual, not lack of discipline because it's weekend

Clearly I'm in denial because the doctor said it will never happen naturally. However, I do believe in miracles but at what cost? And who said we'll be given once of those miracles?

When I really allow myself time to think (and most of the time, I think that I keep myself busy to avoid the thoughts), I really start to question everything.

1. Did I bring on the infertility by working too hard and stressing myself out?
2. Did I wait too long and ignore well-meaning family and friends' "you guys really should start a family"?
3. And the worse, am I a bad Christian? Surely if I have enough faith, it will happen.
4. Or even worse than that - maybe God doesn't want us to have a baby. I can't believe this seriously though because I know without a shadow of doubt that I'd be an excellent mother. I've always been good with kids, I think because I treat them like people and acknowledge that they have feelings, thoughts and opinions just like everyone else.

I write about these things on this blog because aside from my husband, there's no-one I can really talk to.

Well, let me clarify - I can talk to my other infertile friends about the infertility. I can talk to my husband about the God & Christian issues. But I can't talk to any other friends about the Christian stuff.

This, in my opinion, is why we get such a bad rap sometimes. Because everything has to always be so positive. My own MIL says things like "oh that happened because they weren't listening to God, or weren't praying enough". Not About This. That is precisely why we haven't said a thing to her. Or To Any Christian. I can't handle the you guys must stand on the Word and keep confessing speech.

Well today, I decided I'm out of denial and tomorrow I need to make our appointment with a fertility specialist and just go hear what's what.

The other thing is I'm not even sure how far I'm prepared to go but that really is another post. I need my beauty sleep after all.

Good night.

My personality profile

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is low. You're a pretty conservative person, and you favor what's socially acceptable. You think that change for novelty's sake is a very bad idea. While some may see this as boring, many see you as dependable and wise.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Thursday Thirteen #1 - This week at work

1. On Monday we went on a strategy conference far, far away (okay, 157km round trip). I hate driving long distances so this was very stressful for me.
2. Fortunately the venue made up for the distance because it was absolutely beautiful. And the food was very good too, which is always a plus!!!
3. Unfortunately the distance traveled surpasses what I normally do in a week, so petrol-wise that's not good. And these guys are so wealthy it seems petty for me to claim back the money.
4. I left home at 5:55 and returned at 19:00. This caused me to miss my hip-hop dance class which did not impress me in the least.
5. As a result of the conference, we are adding more structure to our department. Normally this is a good thing because I like clearly-defined processes.
6. However, our project manager is sending out form upon form and frankly, I'm concerned that I won't have time to action and actually do my work if I have to be minuting everything!
7. I took the bull by the horns (as they say) and chatted to her this morning. Exactly what is the purpose of this doc? Who is this doc intended for? So isn't this duplicating work? Eventually she conceded that I can use my own systems as long as the main things are documented (this is on my main portfolio).
8. At lunch today, I spilt mushroom and herb cup-a-soup all over my desk. Some of it splashed on my keyboard too so I had to log a call for them to swop keyboards. How disgusting - it is amazing how much soup one cup is when it's all spread out.
9. Today was Weigh-Less weigh in and……… I only gained 1kg since the last time I weighed (3 weeks ago). This is obviously all the holidaying in Thailand and Malaysia. (Two other ladies gained 1.2 and 1.8 kg in a week despite following the plan, so I was ecstatic at my small gain).
10. The party I mentioned some time ago? Well, our colleague came in to say her final goodbyes before she flies to Vegas on Saturday. The dept has already changed because she honestly was the life of the place.
11. My main campaign has been stressing me out a bit this week. Why? Because I can't control other people's work and they keep promising delivery dates, not delivering and I have to pacify the client. The client doesn't even believe me anymore and this is frustrating because IT"S NOT ME!
12. I am dealing with it through excessive reading of blogs and blogging.
13. I'm doing the monthly blog posting thing but I'm cheating a bit – I have 6 blogs in total so I'm posting somewhere every day. I have committed to posting here every 2nd day though. A strange thing has happened though – I find myself easily posting to at least 2 blogs a day.

And that's my first Thursday Thirteen.

Women are the same everywhere

Apparently I've been so out of touch that I didn't even know there was a blog challenge thingy happening this month. Well, now that I know, I'm up for it. I'm going to blog something every day. It will not all be on this blog considering I have a couple of business ones too, but there's only 23 days left - I'm sure I can do it (famous last words).

We got back from our holiday in Thailand and Malaysia a few days ago. The sightseeing was beautiful and so was all the food and shopping but I'm always more interested in the people and their culture.

One thing that really stood out to me in Asia is how obsessed the women are about their looks.

1. We caught many shop assistants preening themselves in front of their hand mirrors when they were not helping customers.
2. All the ads on TV are about being whiter and having fairer skin.
3. The health and beauty aisles are FULL of skin lighteners.

I'll admit that at first I thought how ridiculous it all was and then it struck me - we're all the same, just about different things.

I have curly hair and I want straight hair. In the past when I had good hair years, people with straight hair used to look longingly at my curls. Alas, those days are gone forever, but I digress.

White people want to be browner so they bake in the sun to tan, and these Thai and Malaysian ladies want to be whiter.

And of course, we all want to be thinner...

Even though we're all so diverse and have such vastly different lifestyles, there's still this common bond.

On the whole, my self-esteem is pretty much intact (or I'm just thick-skinned). But I do wonder at which stage (or age) do we get to this point? The one where we don't think we're good enough or pretty enough just as we are.

I wonder why it's not enough to just enhance what we naturally have?